The Oral Report

More Human Than Human

2010-05-11T13:15:00.006-04:00

I think I’d like to see the human race roll up with a little more ‘humanity’.

Seriously.

“Consider the following. We humans are social beings. We come into the world as the result of others’ actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from others’ activities. For this reason it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others.”
Dalai Lama

This is how these things always start…

I was on Facebook, minding my own business, and I noted that one of my younger (and clearly less wise) cousins had joined a Facebook group called “WE SHOULD MANDATE DRUG TESTING FOR ALL WELFARE RECIPIENTS”. And, yes, it was in all caps like that.

Now, because I try to understand my fellow man (and in the case of my cousin, woman), while I may disagree with your opinion, I’ll always listen to it. Because, if I can understand WHY you feel the way you do, maybe I can figure out how to make things a little less polarized. I’m crazy. I know. And I genuinely do not believe that all issues can be less polarized, but genuinely believe it’s always worth the try. It baffles me how people can look at the same information, and then not come to the same conclusions. Now, I realize that backgrounds, religion, education level, etc. all play into that. I really do. But we’re talking raw empirical data here.

So, being me (sorry ‘bout yer luck there, fellers), I popped in to take a look at what these compassionate Americans had to say. The rest of you are shaking your heads. I can see you. And your all like, “D’uh, Superwife. They think all people on welfare are ‘using money that they don’t deserve…because they’re lazy…and buying illegal drugs. And because the welfare system is so badly broken, we can fix it if we start shutting this phenomenon (only they wouldn’t use that word) down.’ Don’t ya know?” And I did. But I needed to know more. Like, do they have any evidence of this, or is it just made up stuff.

When I got there, there really wasn’t much information at all. But there were discussion threads. Great. Discussion and debate. Just what this situation needs! The first discussion thread I saw was titled something like “Hey, Dudes, you really need to change your opinion”. I popped my head in and the first post was by this clear-headed fellow who cut and pasted information from the ACLU that basically said that approximately 10% of welfare recipients are drug addicts. It also went into great detail about how ineffectual testing is (a minute percentage are actually ‘caught’) and the cost. As well as discussions about how alcoholism is a much more damaging drain on our system and that it’s legally-obtained.

Now this information was pretty much all that was needed to clear up any misconceptions on the matter. Except. Uh uh. Dozens of posts by people outraged by these “facts” and accusing the ACLU of being partisan and biased.

In response, various other studies were quoted and linked. Studies indicating that the amount of tax dollars that go to poverty assistance programs account for about 8% of your federal tax dollars. So…for someone with an average income of $50,000, filing as a single person, they’d pay a total of about $6,200, and of that $6,200, less than $600 a year would go to ALL poverty assistance programs. If 10% of the people on welfare are drug users, that means the average person is paying $60 a year to drug-using welfare recipients. Less if they make less or pay less in taxes. And studies indicating that 78% of welfare-recipients are on assistance for less than five years. And you can’t believe how head-up these people were.

Finally, one woman, when faced with the grim reality (and associated facts) that there are far bigger drains on our tax dollars (like fighting illegal wars and such), and that corporate bail-outs and big business are doing far more to subvert not only our tax dollars, but our poor, and that drug addiction is a societal problem and that maybe we should try to help these people, too, responded with “You people need to take off the blinders and WAKE UP. These are just excuses and it doesn’t matter how much you argue, I don’t care what you say. You are never going to change my mind.”

It’s as if they see the facts and then decide “No. No. I refuse to let the truth in.” And that continues to blow my mind. When you can look at the facts and then make a conscious decision to be closed-minded, I’m astounded. Honestly, I am. And no matter how many times I see the situation, it’s like the first time. I’m like, “Wow. Really?”

It’s as if people would rather hate than love. People would rather judge than understand. People would rather the whole world did things the way THEY, themselves, believe is the best way. Is it impossible to embrace the differences between us? To look at someone else’s experiences and realize that the molds we forge are not one-size-fits-all? It ain’t easy, boys and girls, quit looking for the easy button. It takes more effort to work things out than it does to shut them down, but it's usually worth it.

Personally, I would rather that people on welfare assistance not use illegal drugs. (I’d rather people who are NOT on welfare assistance would also refrain.) I would also prefer not to see people paying for tv’s and designer clothes with welfare money. But all of that is my personal opinion. Here’s another one. Drug addicts who do not have a source of income find one. It’s usually crime. I’m not advocating paying them off with government money to avoid being a victim. I’m just saying that if people are truly trying to fix a broken system (and I agree it is flawed), find the actual flaws and format solutions that will actually correct them.

If you’re looking at spending thousands and thousands of dollars to save $60, and that $60 savings will net you an increase in crime, there must be a better solution. Further, what makes people believe that welfare recipients are the only government assisted drug-addicts? I personally know of two social security recipients with drug problems. Do we want to start random drug-testing every elderly person as a condition of them participating in the program? How about unemployment insurance recipients? (With the current unemployment rates, that’s a whole lotta testing!) At the end of the day, haven’t most people using these programs paid into them with their own tax dollars?

Do we really want some independent board telling anyone receiving government money what they can and cannot spend it on? Would that include the military, the police, politicians, public educators? Don't my tax dollars pay them, too?

What I find even more surprising is the number of those who want to see this change, who consider themselves Christian. But this particular discussion has not devolved into matters of religion, and I’m excusing myself from it before it does.

How far are we willing to go to avoid compassion? How much humanity do we want to shed to feel superior? Why is it preferable to put someone under our thumb, rather than to give them our hand? Don't we realize what happens when humanity fails? Why are we more willing to kill than to heal?

I've Been Pie-soned!

2010-04-13T15:52:00.003-04:00

How could ye, ye gloriously rich and gooey confection? It was truly love I had for ye. Alas, forgiveness will be some time in coming.

On the slow road back from a nasty bout of self-inflicted food poisoning, and thought I'd poke my head in here. I couldn't bear to throw out a half of a buttermilk pie from Mark's Feed Store (one of the most heart-stoppingly delicious desserts known to mankind) that we'd picked up for Easter dinner and...well...I think it was a little past it's prime. Or that's the consensus anyway. I, alone, had a slice of the buttery delight on Saturday night...and I, alone, suffered the wracking abdominal pain causing me to double over and grit my teeth (about every ten minutes for about 10 hours) on Sunday. It was far too reminiscent of labor and by the time I finally succumbed to slumber, I was exhausted.

Upon waking Monday morning, I was barely able to move. Mostly weak, the pain had stopped, but not the other (more traditional) side effects of food poisoning.

Back at work today. Feeling a little better, but sad...oh so sad...that it was the buttermilk pie that did it to me. Luckily, the white chocolate banana cream from Rafferty's has offered to step up and fill in any available openings.

But probably not today.

Hey, Look Kids! She's Ranting Like a Lunatic Again!

2010-04-01T12:14:00.005-04:00

Sorry. Either you missed it or you didn't. But it didn't go away when I did. Buckle up, Buttercups!

So why isn't this terrorism? Why aren't we fighting a war on THIS organized terrorism right here, right now?

We are clearly not discouraging these religious zealots (who obviously have so much in common with our enemies around the globe that it's staggering) from their attacks on our citizens. Do we really want the result to be no doctors to safely perform this legal procedure? Don’t we all see that’s where this is going?

Generations of women have grown up never having seen the reality of coat-hanger abortions. It's been so long, in fact, that this horror has achieved a nearly mythical status. Much easier to believe it's all a fabricated monster story...that frightened, hopeless women, with no options, no control over their own lives and bodies, took such measures. But it’s true. They really did live (and often die) through this. With far too staggering frequency. Or as some stories tell, the traveling unlicensed "doctor" who asked no questions...if the cash was right...would be available to perform the necessary procedure.

But when is the last time, short of fictional accounts, that you've heard of that happening? That you've heard of a young woman bleeding out from this type of procedure? or being so scarred that she could never have children? And while the emotional impact of this procedure is rarely inconsequential, consider the far more significant psychological damage that abortions caused when they were self-service.

It just doesn't happen anymore.

Now, I'm sure many of you are sitting there in disbelief that I'd actually even broach this HIGHLY sensitive subject, but I gotta vent and that's just the way it is. I do want to clarify that I'm not a pro-abortion chick. I'm a pro-CHOICE chick. There truly is a difference. But in order to have a choice, it has to be a reasonable choice. None of the choices in this situation are entirely risk free. I think everyone realizes that. You can run into a plethora of complications delivering a baby, too. But we, as a society, have worked to make that choice as safe as possible…and we continue to do so.

That's really not so much what I'm on about today anyway. It's about terrorism. In America. It's about how people who cannot use peaceful means to move their agendas take illegal, violent action and, not only murder U.S. citizens, but also terrorize other citizens from both performing and procuring safe, legal medical treatment.

How strongly must a doctor feel about this issue to put their very lives (and, tangentially, those of their families and coworkers) at risk, to undertake this professional option? When the doctors who currently perform abortions are all killed, and no one steps up to take their place, will the terrorists have won? Sure, abortion will still be legal...but where will you be able to actually get one? Will the ‘choice’ have been taken from us without the long, protracted legal discourse that takes every citizen's voice into consideration?

The religious right blathers about over-reaching government and how many freedoms they don't want to lose. Maddening that they can't, for an instant, see how they are BEGGING the government to over-reach, while demanding that more than 50% of the population give up control of their physical body to the same government they don’t believe is qualified to manage ANYTHING (including health care). How far over is THAT reaching and "Hey, there, that's my freedom you're snatching!" Okay, likely a bad (at least partially unintentional) pun, but the entire concept completely boggles my brain.

If my tax dollars (and I’ve been paying them a long damn time) are being applied to a War on Terror, I want some of them to fight the War on Terror right here in this country. I want someone to stop the jihad against U.S. citizens going on in my backyard. I want my government to stand up for my personal freedoms and the laws that we, as a nation, have enacted to ensure that this is a more perfect union. I want U.S. citizens to be safe from terrorists that are already here and well-established in this country.

And I want it now. Before my daughters and your daughters and one more American woman has to find out what happens when you no longer have legal ownership of your own body.

Original Recipe or Extra Crispy?

2010-03-30T16:42:00.008-04:00

Here at Rupert & McElroy (yep, I still work there), we get calls (mostly complaint calls) from KFC customers with some regularity. Odd, because, well, we ain't KFC. I’ll answer the phone “Rupert & McElroy” (well, not really, but you know what I mean)and then they’ll start right in with “Yeah, I haven’t received the coupons I requested.”, or “I ate at your store on blah..blah..boulevard and my chicken wasn’t even done.”. Stuff like that. And, of course, working in an architectural office, where we neither have coupons, nor chickens, it always throws me a little. I try to advise them that they have not reached KFC’s offices. They almost always reply with, “Well, I got your number off the web.”

The first time that happened, it was more than a little surprising. I mean, I've worked here a long time. Surely, I'd know if we were a KFC affiliate. Right? But these folks are nothing if they're not persistent. At some point, it occured to me that since we had done the design for KFC's national headquarters building, that they may be (along with other prominent projects) featured on our website. And, perhaps, just perhaps, when people google KFC national headquarters, our website comes up. (I’ve never actually tested that theory, but it seems reasonable to me.)

Now when I’ve tried, patiently…and professionally…to explain this to (often hostile) callers, they scold me and tell me that we shouldn’t have that on our website. That we're intentionally misleading the public. *blink* *blink* Uh, huh. Clearly, these folks don’t understand the concept.

In any event, it’s happened many, many times over the years (and has really messed with some former receptionists), but we’ve never gotten a letter before.

Until today.

I’ve attached it for your perusal. I only opened it at all because it had Rupert & McElroy listed as part of the delivery address. Now, I’ve scanned it in (along with the envelope), so you can all see what kind of fun I have at work. And you should, 'cause it's lots o' fun!

Anyway, without further ado, and with FAR too much build-up for what will (likely) be a big nothing, check this out. It totally made me (and much of the rest of the rest of my office) LOL today.

Remember Me?

2010-03-30T16:36:00.002-04:00

It's been over a year since I've posted. So, it feels VERY weird to be here typing again. Not sure anyone still checks in (I probably wouldn't myself), but I'm hoping to be a better 'hostess' in the upcoming future.

I got deeply involved in an entirely other time-suck (Gaiaonline). My kids spend a great deal of time there and they got me involved. Once in, I found a group of adults and made some friends there. It's been a blast, but I've deeply missed the freedom I get here (short of rl hurdles constructed by my ex and his merry band of misinformed minions).

Anywho, I was telling my hubby about an incident at work today and he said he would "totally blog" it and I suppose it's time to get back on the horse. Sad that the first actual blog post after resuming will be kinda lame, but, well, they were kinda lame when last we spoke. ;)

So, it's good to be back and check out my other post today...

Top 10 Bushisms

2009-01-20T14:09:00.002-05:00

I heard this recap this morning and wanted to share.

Tell me again how he got re-elected?

In My Life(time)...

2009-01-20T13:10:00.011-05:00

...There are places I remember,
All my life, though some have changed...

I have never been what I'd call gullible. At least I don't remember ever being so. In my "advanced youth", I've certainly become more and more jaded. It's something I continue to struggle with.

Today, though, when Barack Obama took the oath of office, I felt energized. I felt somehow restored. I felt that maybe, just maybe, we really could pull out of this and be better for what we've endured. I felt hope. I felt the restoration of...trust.

And without realizing it, I exhaled.

As if I'd been holding my breath for eight long, long years.

I surprised myself by doing so.

Several co-workers and I sat around our conference room table and watched the ceremony (while eating some truly mediocre Chinese carryout). None of us speaking. All of us rapt with admiration for this charismatic and motivational man.

Part of me is a little nervous. Like the first time you ride your bike without the training wheels. You're confidence builds despite how wobbly you start. And before you know it, you're flying...great expectations and all.

I love that President Obama (whew...I'm diggin' that already) drew over a million people to his inaugural address. People hungry for hope.

I love that he refuses to dream small when it comes to this country.

I love that he is, already, a symbol of unity and wisdom.

I love that I got to see this in my lifetime. And that my children did, too. And that they are old enough to remember.

We still have so very much work to do. Maybe more than we can do. But today, on this day, I am proud of my country.

ABCDEF...Flop!

2008-11-19T08:42:00.005-05:00

Okay, while thinking about movie titles yesterday, quite a few "stinkers" crossed my mind. Consequently, today's list (and it'll be the last, I promise) includes some of the worst movies I could think of for each letter. Anyone who wants to play along is welcomed to do so. In fact, I'd love to see what you come up with!

After Sundown (the hands down winner)
Boy in the Plastic Bubble, The (I’ll bet John Travolta NEVER mentions this one)
Cannonball Run II (nothing further needed)
Dumb & Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (I didn’t even know this movie had a second part of the title)
Eyes Wide Shut (though my hubby would probably pick Escape From New York, here)
Flintstones, The (I know a couple guys who would pick Field of Dreams here, but this live-action adaptation nearly put me off the Flintstones forever)
Grease 2 (Michelle Pfeiffer’s house payments must have been pretty late for her to go here)
Happening, The (TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE!!!)
Inspector Gadget (Matthew Broderick, how could ye?)
Jaws 3-D (…::stare::…)
Kingdom of Heaven (one of the very few movies I’ve ever actually walked out of...you would, too, if it happened to you.)
Ladybugs (Watching this Rodney Dangerfield film is truly painful)
Made in America (Whoopi Goldberg and Ted Danson…)
Norbit (What was Eddie Murphy thinking???)
Operation Dumbo Drop
Pet Sematary (Why are Stephen King’s movies such poor adaptations of his books?)
Quigley Down Under (this one may just be me)
Rhinestone (Sylvester Stallone & Dolly Parton...and Sly sings...::shiver::...)
Superman IV
Twins (Danny DeVito…Arnold Schwarzenegger…twins…of course…)
Underdog (Can’t we ever just leave well enough alone?)
Valley Girl (ewww…totally…)
White Chicks
Xanadu (this one was easy, I nearly put it on the other list just because it started with an “x”…now I can put it here…justly)
You Don’t Mess With the Zohan (Ben Stiller better be careful or he’ll end up on the list with Will Ferrell and Owen Wilson)
Zoolander (And this doesn’t help)

ABCDEF...Film

2008-11-18T15:25:00.002-05:00

Pointed here from Mark Gibson at Abject Conjecture, our record is now sullied...please direct any complaints there.

Like Mark, I've done this off the cuff, so don't expect any cool stuff. Cool stuff takes hours and hours of work. I love you guys. But not that much. Also, for fun, you should do your list before looking at mine (or anyone else's). No copying. Or else.

The Rules

1. Pick one film to represent each letter of the alphabet.

2. The letter "A" and the word "The" do not count as the beginning of a film's title, unless the film is simply titled A or The, and I don't know of any films with those titles.

3. Return of the Jedi belongs under "R," not "S" as in Star Wars Episode IV: Return of the Jedi. This rule applies to all films in the original Star Wars trilogy; all that followed start with "S." Similarly, Raiders of the Lost Ark belongs under "R," not "I" as in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. Conversely, all films in the LOTR series belong under "L" and all films in the Chronicles of Narnia series belong under "C," as that's what those filmmakers called their films from the start. In other words, movies are stuck with the titles their owners gave them at the time of their theatrical release. Use your better judgment to apply the above rule to any series/films not mentioned.

4. Films that start with a number are filed under the first letter of their number's word. 12 Monkeys would be filed under "T."

5. Link back to Blog Cabins in your post so that I can eventually type "alphabet meme" into Google and come up #1, then make a post where I declare that I am the King...er...Queen of Google.

6. If you're selected, you have to then select 5 more people.

And Justice For All
Big Chill
Continental Divide
Deer Hunter
Electric Horseman
French Connection
Godfather
Hook
It’s a Wonderful Life
Jaws
Kill Bill
Layer Cake
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
‘Night Mother
Odd Couple
Play Misty for Me
Quiz Show
Raising Arizona
Steel Magnolias
Thank You for Smoking
Uncle Buck
Victor/Victoria
Walk the Line
X-Men
Yellow Submarine
Zathura

I notice (after the fact), that Mark and I have just (3) duplications. Not bad!

As for my five tagged, I'm looking to...

Nate
Fadkog
Spider Girl
Fortyish is Fab
Crayons in the Sun (if she ever checks in there anymore...)

Lovers and Liars

2008-11-18T09:35:00.001-05:00

Can you believe that it’s been nearly a month since I’ve been here? Well, with the elections over, I’ve not had much to discuss. Until last night...

Oh, sure, there’s been stuff going on in my life. Most of it is pretty boring stuff, though. But yesterday, I learned that my ex and his current girlfriend are moving in together.

Now, for the record, Highlander and I moved in together before we got married, too. I discussed it with all of the kids, and asked for their feedback (and approval) beforehand, and then I discussed it with my ex. I suppose that last wasn’t “necessary”, and it certainly wasn’t to get approval (or to “poke him with a stick”), but I thought that he, as their father, should be aware that his kids’ lives were getting ready to be impacted. And, I had enough respect (both for him and for myself and our kids) to discuss it with him personally, instead of letting it trickle down.

Of course, when I did discuss it with him, it was met with all kinds of furor and resistance and threats of legal injunctions. It was fundamentally wrong to live together without benefit of being married and there was no way he was going to allow me to do that. You think I exaggerate here, but you are wrong. When I pointed out to my ex that he and I had lived together before we married, he eschewed that stating that we didn’t have kids, and that having kids in the equation completely changed it. I disagreed, totally...and I am pretty sure that he didn’t believe his own argument.

But despite me pointing out how hypocritical it was of him to say that cohabitating was unequivocally wrong, he stood his ground. It was bad for the kids and set a bad example. (As an aside, it was my beloved grandmother who encouraged me to move in with my ex before getting married, telling me that “you will never really know if you want to spend your life with someone until you live with them”. It’s something I’d encourage my own children to do, as well. Because...well...I believe its good advice.)

So, of course, when I learned, yesterday, (and not from him) that my ex’s current girlfriend was moving in, I asked him if he was getting married. He looked at me (somewhat taken aback that I knew, I guess) and said simply “no”. I told him I was surprised, given how vociferously he had defended the opposite position just three years ago, that he no longer believed that it was wrong. Sure, maybe I should have just let it go. I mean, I know he didn’t really believe it then. I’m sure it was just more of the “he’s hurt and jealous” stuff. But he put us through a lot of shit and if he didn’t believe it, he should be a man and own that. He should say “look, I was in a bad place and I know I was wrong and I’m sorry for behaving that way”. The likelihood of that happening is none. I know this because his response was, “well, since you’d already exposed the kids to the situation, I knew it didn’t make a difference what I did...the damage was done.”

And me, totally missing the best opportunity for a line EVER, didn't say "so, I guess I should just let them smoke pot since you've exposed them to THAT lifestyle"...but I didn't.

Simply put, boys and girls, today’s lesson is “A principle is worth defending to the death...until it negatively impacts your own lifestyle”. Nothing has changed. Either you believe it is fundamentally wrong to do something, or you don’t. It’s as if you believed that it’s fundamentally wrong to hit someone, but when you find out someone else did it, you figure "why not?".

Up here on the high road, we call that a failure of character, a lack of integrity. Of course, for someone who said that they have no problem lying to people they don’t like and respect (and don’t see that lying is a reflection upon them...not on the people they are lying to), the armor was already dinged up pretty well. Of course, it could be that he still believes that I have to live by one set of rules and standards, and that he has an entirely different set he's established for himself.

I feel particularly sorry for the girlfriend. My kids like her well enough, so, for that, I am grateful. And she seems to be, by and large, good to them. But I don’t think she knows what she is getting herself into with him. Or, maybe she does. Maybe she has more experience with addicts and liars than I know. She definitely seems to be an enabler and that will certainly appeal to him. I don’t envy her what lies ahead. But I do like her enough that I feel sorry for her.

The Bandwagon is Getting Pretty Full...

2008-10-24T12:34:00.001-04:00

Wishing I could embed this video, but this link will have to do (copyright issues and such). Pointed here by docnebula (via Mark Evanier, I believe). Pass it along.

Priceless, Indeed...

2008-10-24T10:06:00.003-04:00

Pleeeeeease tell me some more how you're just a hockey mom sitting around your kitchen table rubbing two nickels together trying make a spark so you could start a fire to cook a can a beans for your eighteen children. And, you know, how Barack Obama is sooooo much more an elitist than you or John McCain.

With Scott McClellan now coming out in support of Obama, and Michelle Bachman's manic back-pedalling (the Minnesota representative that had never seen Hardball, but naively romped into the lion's den) - and both the dems increase of funding to her opponent and her own parties cut in funding to her campaign - it would appear the republicans are scrambling to cut ties as quickly as they can to sinking ships in the last few DAYS of this election season.

Ooo...OooOooOoo...WEEE!!

2008-10-19T16:20:00.004-04:00

...wild nights are calling....

And everything looks so complete
When you're walking out on the street
And the wind catches your feet
And sends you flying, crying

If you haven't seen this...you REALLY need to!

Have You Seen This One?

2008-10-16T14:53:00.003-04:00

A fellow dem in my office forwarded me this pic today and I just had to share! Especially given the majority of my regulars love the comics, too...

Priceless...

2008-10-14T08:04:00.002-04:00

Wise words from John McCain (February 2000)...

Bringin' a Little Cultcha...

2008-09-24T16:24:00.006-04:00

Just sharing some new sidewalk art pics I was forwarded today. I hadn't seen them before and thought you may not have either. (Click the pic to enlarge.) Enjoy!

I DON'T Like Ike!

2008-09-15T12:59:00.005-04:00

Just a brief note to let those who drop by here from time to time...and consider themselves friends...know that me and mine are well. This despite 85 MPH winds yesterday that took out power to about 300,000 homes (ours included) here in River City. Even though Hurricane Ike made landfall more than 1000 miles from our house, he was still full of wind when he got here.

Our neighborhood, for those who haven't visited, has lots of lovely well-established (read that large) trees and older homes. After roughly 6 hours of high winds starting yesterday at about 11AM, the damage was as follows around here. At our house, there are cable lines down in the backyard and a variety of smaller limbs in both the front and back (though nothing creating more than the nuissance of having to clean them up), a few shingles blew off the roof, our Obama yard sign was a complete casualty and we have no power and no phone. Three doors to either side of our house a large limb had blown down, nearly completely blocking traffic on our street. One of those across a car parked where our pal Nate (who is also without power) often parks himself. Luckily, his truck was parked elsewhere due to an unexpected out of town trip on Saturday that had him arriving home very late.

The city at large is hurting. Power is out in so many areas that schools have been closed due to the number of them without electricity. Still NUMEROUS areas (especially in our neighborhood) blocked by fallen debris, though clean-up is well underway today. And the problems that normally go with hurricanes...a rookie would assume...shortages on ice and batteries.

And the one this rookie didn't foresee...a lack of gasoline. Well, around here they're saying it's no so much a lack of gasoline, as it is an abundance of business at those stations who have power to run their pumps. With so many stations out of commission, those who are open are seeing a HUGE bump in business and keeping the pumps flowing is the only problem they have. I stopped at three different stations at lunch today and only the second one, did I have even a chance to succeed in my quest. Unfortunately the last pump with any fuel left ran out on the guy directly in front of me in line. This, of course, after a 20 minute wait.

So, we're hoping to be back in the grid soon. As you may imagine, since the mayor announced this morning we may be 10-14 days without power, some folks at my house are pretty antzy. A lot of folks around here feeling the same, I guess. As we don't know many people who have power right now, and we're certainly not in a position to check into a motel (and I gotta imagine that's a pipedream even if we had the money) for two weeks, we're roughing it like the rest and are grateful we didn't get the voluminous water that normally accompanies these events. Luckily the temperatures are a help, with low humidity and highs in the mid-70's, we're dealing.

We can't say, with any certainty, how far inland you have to go to avoid a hurricane. But we hope the rest of you, out there, are faring better.

Here in "The Other" Windy City, that's all the news that's fit to print!

Palin' in Comparison

2008-09-09T12:25:00.000-04:00

I am one pissed off American Woman.

There.

I said it.

After last week's RNC, I found I was pretty off put. But, hey, sometimes, these things are "just me"...you know?

The morning after Sarah Palin's speech, my favorite republican co-worker stopped by to gloat about what a great choice she was!! I tried to ignore it, but when his entire reason for delight in his choice was because they'd have a shot at picking up 15% of the former Clinton supporters...and he had no idea about her stand on issues or about the MANY skeletons in her igloo...well...I got mad.

I admit it.

My hubby will be the first to tell you, "Don't Type Angry." (Although, he's been known not to follow that same advice from time to time.) But I couldn't help it. He started talking about how Obama had voted "present, but no vote" over 130 times...and that he (the co-worker) could NEVER "get behind a president who couldn't make up his mind" on things. And, well, having gone to websites previously to check on how various folks have voted on various issues, I knew just how easy it would be to prove whether this was even true...or not. And, of course, as I was CERTAIN that my co-worker would want to know how HIS candidate fared by comparison, it would allow me to do that, too.

I spent a little time wading through things and tallying them up...and then...well...I prepared an email forward for him. It looked exactly like this.

A REVIEW OF THE CANDIDATES:

Okay, [Republican Architect Dude],

Per our discussion this morning (and you know I would), here’s the poop. Get your read on, there’s good stuff in these here links.

Full Voting Record for Barack Obama

To recap, of 1298 votes cast since January 2005 to present, Obama has voted

Yes - 673
No - 297
No Vote - 298

I was quite surprised to see that a good many of the “No Vote” votes were based on political confirmations of U.S. District or Circuit Judges throughout the country, votes to invoke cloture (basically a vote to end discussions of whatever matter is about to be voted on), and votes to waive a C.B.A. (cost budget analysis) on various initiatives. I have to assume that if I did not have first hand knowledge about the qualifications of a judge in Virginia or Louisiana, I’d be reluctant to vote party lines just to have a vote on record. Similarly, if I felt the matter deserved more discussion prior to voting, I might not want to go on record to voting to invoke cloture. And, frankly, any vote waiving a C.B.A. is bad business as far as I’m concerned.

Of course, then I became curious about the other presidential candidate’s voting record…

Full Voting Record for John McCain

Stone-thrower, Senator John McCain voted “No Vote” in 113 of the last 114 votes (which is every vote from April 1, 2008 forward), and another 50 “No Vote” votes from January 1, 2008 until April. I’m not going to count back further than that, but will tell you that the visual inspection (and you should check the link, it’s great shock value) would lead me to believe there are more. Surprising to me that he was poking Obama with that particular issue when, clearly, he’s right there, too.

A few other facts you may be interested to know, as the junior senator of Illinois, in just 3 ½ short years, Senator Obama has sponsored 131 bills, including the Lead Free Toys Act, The Fuel Economy Reform Act, the Climate Change Education Act, the Nuclear Weapons Threat Reduction Act, the Hurricane Katrina Working Family Tax Relief Act, The Congressional Ethics Enforcement Commission Act, The Improving Standards for Nutrition & Physical Education in Schools Act, the Veterans Homelessness Prevention Act, and the Homes for Heroes Act, which helps low-income vets get homes.

McCain has sponsored 537 bills (and co-sponsored 1230 more) since 1993. Most notably, he is responsible for co-sponsoring the McCain-Feingold Act regarding Campaign finance, however, during the last session of congress, bills sponsored by McCain included The Indian Arts & Crafts Amendment Act, The Arizona National Scenic Trail Act, The Cell Phone Tax Moratorium Act, The Drug Testing in Major League Sports Act and the Professional Boxing Amendment Act.

Initially, Senator Obama was appointed to serve on the Committee on Environment and Public Works, the Committee on Veterans Affairs, and the Committee on Foreign Relations, where he made official trips to the Middle East, Africa and Eastern Europe.

In his second year on Capital Hill, he added committee appointments to the Committee on Health, Education, Labor & Pensions, and the Committee on Homeland Security and Government Affairs to his workload.

Senator McCain is a ranking member on the Armed Services Committee and is a member on the Senate Committee on Indian Affairs and the Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation.

It is true, that before his current term as the junior senator of Illinois, a state with 12, 763,400 people, he only served six years (winning his initial election and being re-elected twice more) as an Illinois State Senator, serving the Chicago south-side district #13, home to approximately 781,000 people…more than the entire state of Alaska (at 626,930), by the way.

Prior to his political career, Obama was president of the Harvard Law Review, a civil rights attorney and taught law at the University of Chicago.

Conversely, Governor Palin, served two terms on the Wasilla, Alaska City Council, a town of 7,025 people, and then was elected mayor of that same town for two terms. Upon her election as mayor, she immediately fired the police chief and librarian (based on a reluctance on the part of the librarian to ban certain books that Palin felt were inappropriate). She rescinded the firing of the librarian, but not the police chief. She also fired the public works director and the finance department director.

During her second term as mayor, she hired lobbyists to work to get “earmarks” (often the pork on legislative bills), one of the things John McCain was, at the time, fighting to abolish, for Wasilla. She also raised city taxes to pay for a multi-use sports complex for Wasilla (a city one fifth the size of Jeffersonville, Indiana), but it went over budget due to an eminent domain lawsuit. And, of course, there’s the debacle with the “bridge to nowhere” (which she found insulting…but got over by making light of it during her acceptance speech last night). She stopped construction on the bridge, after receiving $398 million dollars, claiming she needed another $329 million to build it. The money, earmarked for this bridge, was requested by congress to be sent to New Orleans to help rebuild there, but it was fought by Alaskan politicians and never went towards relief efforts.

She has been a proponent of teaching Creationism in public schools, and does not believe that Global Warming is a big concern.

In contrast, Hillary Clinton supporters are pro-choice, gun-control advocates who do not oppose gay marriage and are environmentally-conscious feminists looking for universal health care from a candidate with international experience in Congress and having served at the president’s side during two terms in the White House. I think it’s insulting to think that people who wanted to see Hillary Clinton elected president only wanted to do so because she is a woman, and therefore any ol’ woman will do. Sarah Palin could only appeal less to Hillary Clinton supporters if it came out that she was related to the Bush family. See this and this.

Oh, and with regard to her firing of Alaskan Public Safety Commissioner, Walt Monegan, over his refusal to fire a state trooper who had been officially cleared by IAD and who was embroiled in a bitter child custody case with the governor’s sister, once he WAS fired, he was replaced, by Palin, with someone who was in the middle of a sexual harassment investigation, for which he was eventually reprimanded. She then lied about any involvement in the abuse of power allegations, then adjusted downward to her staff acting without her knowledge, then adjusted down to “only as it regards the safety of my family”, and has been caught, yet again, lying about the situation. She had initially agreed to cooperate with the legislature regarding the investigation into the wrongful termination of Monegan (whom she claims to have dismissed because of “performance-related issues”…and then offered him a position with another agency), however, this week she has moved the jurisdiction to the state personnel board, which she appoints. Despite the fact that the trooper was a jackass, he was dealt, what was considered by his superiors, standard and appropriate reprimand for his mistakes.

Selecting Joe Biden to run as his vice-president, Obama has brought a senator who has served 6 consecutive terms and chairs the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and the Senate Judiciary Committee, and serves on the Judiciary subcommittees: Crime & Drugs, Terrorism & Homeland Security, Human Rights, Immigration/Border Security/Refugees, and Antitrust Competition.

I gotta believe that it comes down to issues and experience, and while Obama doesn’t have vast amounts of experience, he’s worked his tail off in the Senate and he has the savvy to surround himself with qualified people. If McCain were elected and something happened leaving Sarah Palin serving as president, would you genuinely be comfortable with that?

Signed,

Your favorite democrat co-worker

Sadly, I doubt he read it. Even though my sources are pretty mainstream (and not the liberal blogosphere...which is where republicans feel the only negative press is born), it's a long message, and there are lots of links. Attention span issues definitely kick in when it's information you don't choose to read.

Now, the fact that she pushes for abstinence-only education and doesn't see how that can backfire on young people (and their families), is an issue near and dear to my heart. But it's one I didn't touch on. There is a "truce", after all. I doubt it would make a difference anyway. Dick Cheney's daughter could probably share a few things with Palin's daughter about how what's best for one's family takes a backseat to political positioning.

In any event, it had been long enough, and despite prodding from my hubby to post that note, I was going to take the lazy way and just leave you guys out of the loop of my rants (you do get lucky once in a while). But I ran across a few things today on You Tube that I simply had to share. Since they were topical, I went ahead and did a full-scale attack.

Btw, I think choosing any candidate STRICTLY because of the ability to get votes for the party, without consideration for their ability to do the damned job is sickening.

But apparently, that's how it's done. Just because the VP choice has a vagoogoo, that's really all that matters. And they have no shame in saying it. And, lastly, that a savvy woman would have no problem playing along with it.

Pass me one of those, will ya...

Mr. Wiggins, there's a triceratops on line 3...

2008-08-14T15:18:00.003-04:00

Hi, all!

It's me again.

Your friendly, neighborhood beeyotch.

I'm currently on hold on the telephone and thought I'd start hammering this post out, while I wait to get some resolution.

Let's see if I can bring you up to speed, while I'm waiting to speak to someone at [Kid 2]'s school. Today's story started...

about two weeks ago, I suppose.

I wasn't actually present at this first part. [Kid 2], a senior this year...I still can't believe that...had registration at her school. A PUBLIC high school here in River City. That seems relevant, somehow.

Now, back in my day (the Triassic period, we used to call it), high school registration was done in June for the next year. At some point, over the summer, you got a print out of your classes and information on where your homeroom was located. The first day of classes was a horror, getting lockers assigned and picking up books and such. But, you know, we rocked it old-school then. REEEEAL old school...like with ditto machines and manual typewriters. And maybe even rotary cellphones, if your 'rents had a little put by.

Like most things, I'm here to tell you, that stuff is a thing of the past.

This year, because of work schedules, her beloved step-daddy accompanied her to registration. Her choice (which is kinda sweet...but that's a whole other blog post). And, like last year, it involved picking up her schedule, paying fees for the courses she would be taking, getting her locker, having her student ID made...SCREEEEEECH

That's right, "paying fees for the courses she would be taking" at a public high school. Now, some of this I can see. There were a few courses I had in high school, where there were costs for supplies that may have been above and beyond...like Home Ec and Chemistry. Not so now. Now there are fees for Senior English and U.S. History.

U.S. History is what I'm on hold about right now...and "on about" right here.

The course fee for U.S. History this year was $30. Which, you know, seems exhorbitant to me. It does. It doesn't factor in field trips or any such.

Honestly, though, what's got me frothing today (and, technically, it started last night) is that [Kid 2] came home from school yesterday and asked me if she could download something on the computer. All innocently, not suspecting that my head would be exploding in 5...4...3...2...I asked what it was.

Wait for it.

It was a disc with her U.S. History textbook on it. It needed to be downloaded and the disc returned to her class (so other students could do the same).

The synapses were trying to short, so I tried to reroute the data in an emergency manuever that failed miserably. "Um, why do you need to download a textbook?", I asked...all non-chalantly making like my brain had completely forgotten about that $30 fee. "Because we don't have enough textbooks for the class and I need this to be able to do homework."

Uh...

Uh...

So, I've paid $30 for a fee for a U.S. History class and my child can't even get a textbook?!?!?!?!?

I gathered up the pieces of my cranium, vented a little last night, and now I'm on hold as the school passes me around from one person who doesn't want to answer my question to another.

My question, of course, is how does this work? Am I getting a refund or a textbook?

Hey! Guess what! The school was able to find a textbook for my daughter! How great is that?!?! Guess I can take the skates off now...

A Conundrum To Be Sure...

2008-07-09T14:31:00.005-04:00

Something is...I don't know...off. The clues are pretty random, though.

* My refrigerator is backed up with leftovers. (And not some lame leftovers, either. We're talking ham & cheese bowtie pasta!)

* The kids are milling around aimlessly. No bubble-blowing. No trips to the comic shop. They don't know what to do with themselves.

* The sound of raucous, uproarious laughter has not filled my home for days and days. The eerie quiet is starting to get to me.

* Self-injuries are at an all-time low. In fact, we're thinking about offering awards for the extended period of safety.

* But the Number One Reason I know something is seriously amiss is...

We miss you, Nate!!

Hell...Why Not...

2008-07-02T15:41:00.012-04:00

While I'm on a roll, let me note that talking ill of someone (no matter your opinion), in front of their children that love them, is a pretty classless, shitty thing to do. And, honestly, it only makes you look small and mean-natured (and extremely disrespectful TO THEM) in their eyes. Believe it or not, just because I do not want my children to be instructed to drink untested and untreated creek water (which they are then offered and encouraged to do) DOESN'T make ME the one that's "crazy". (And some kids...all of mine included...are smart enough to figure that out. Even if some grown-ups aren't.)

See this...and this...and this...and this...and this...and this...and this...

Anyone with any amount of education should know better than to drink creek water. (Or, you know, we'd all be drinking it, wouldn't we? Plus the filtration facilities and products would just vanish from our culture.) Also, if you'll check with any reputable pediatrician, they'll straighten you right out, too. (Mine sure did.) Or, you know, maybe all those scientists and teachers and doctors are crazy, too. At least I've got good company...

Frankly, I happen to think that a parent who doesn't bring potable water on a hike in warm weather and then relies on what mother nature provided (via industrial facilities and pesticide run-off and bacterial by-products), is the one that's crazy...but what do I know? I will say that even if I DO think so, it's not like I'd be telling his kids he is. I've got alot more class than that. It helps that my kids have pretty good bullshit detectors, though...

Just Pissing and Moaning and Bitching and Whining...

2008-07-02T14:58:00.005-04:00

This post is long. (My apologies in advance.) I can safely say that it's long (as I barely begin typing), because there is a lot that’s been going on and I’ve been reluctant to post it until now.

But the time has come, my friends...

As always, our characters are anonymous (including me). We only wish they were fictitious...

Over the past several months, there's been just a schload of stuff going on with my kids, and, unfortunately, my ex. So much, in fact, that a trip to court (to put some of these things on record) was a necessity.

We all live in hope that this will be all that is necessary. We all realize we hoped we wouldn't have to have gone as far as we already have and that hoping...as it regards some people...is similar to pipedreaming (heh, there's a little double entendre' there, but I'm lettin' it pass).

This story begins last fall. September to be precise. My two younger daughters were on a weekend overnight visit with their dad and it happened to coincide with a family reunion on my ex-mil's side of the family. I didn't know ahead of time that the event coincided. I found out afterwards, as did our eldest daughter, when he brought the other two home burbling about how much fun they'd had and who all they'd seen.

My eldest daughter, who already has a pretty strained relationship with her father was so visibly hurt that even he saw the look in her eyes. You see, he'd "forgotten" to invite her. To a family reunion. How do you do that? In any event, in addition to losing track...momentarily...of how many children he had, my middle daughter reported that my ex had had a rather shocking conversation (in her presence) with my youngest daughter.

During the drive home from the reunion, my ex advised our (then) 7 year old child that it was okay to keep secrets from Mommy. That if Mommy didn't specifically ask something, not telling her wasn't the same as lying.

My middle daughter and her (then) boyfriend were in the backseat of the car and were extremely upset, themselves, at this display of bad parenting. In fact, [Kid 2] reported that her boyfriend's jaw dropped and he became concerned for [Kid 3].

I was advised of this conversation before my ex even had the opportunity to leave the premises, and so I met him in the front yard and advised him that I didn't appreciate that, and that I thought it was dangerously bad parenting. I would NEVER instruct my kids to keep secrets from either parent, I wanted him to correct the error.

His response was that I was making more of it than it had been. That he didn't feel anything further was needed and he got in his vehicle and left.

I tried talking to our youngest and advising her that it was not good to keep secrets from Mommy OR Daddy and that she should not do so. Her reply? "That's not what Daddy says." and she brushed me off. At this point, I'm sure you realize how upsetting the situation was.

Their next visit with their father, I advised him that I wanted to have a conversation TOGETHER, with our youngest daughter, and resolve the issue. He was less than enthusiastic. I had no intention of painting him as a buffoon, or a villain, in front of our child, the damage simply needed to be corrected.

As he had absolutely nothing to say, I began by stating that I was certain there had been a misunderstanding, which did not mean that she did anything wrong, nor did it mean that her father did anything wrong, but that I was sure he did not mean for her to believe that it was okay to keep secrets from a parent. I then looked at him, expecting he'd confirm that statement and he did nothing. I said, "Isn't that right?" to him. To which he grunted. I mean it. He grunted. And that was his entire contribution to the conversation.

So, as you can suspect, [Kid 3] doesn't remotely believe that her father has an issue with the previous conversation. Which grates my cheese, I gotta tell you. Playing these kind of head games with kids is nothing short of vile.

Now, this was bad and I certainly added it to the list of infractions, but it took on an added level of upset a few weeks later when I was putting [Kid 3] to bed one night. She asked if I'd sleep with her.

Unusual, as she has slept in her own bed without incident since before my ex and I split up (nearly 4 years ago). I explained to her that I'd be sleeping right down the hall and that she was a big girl and didn't need anyone to sleep with her. She elaborated that her father slept with her. Every night.

"He does?," I inquired. Why does he do that? She told me she didn't know. Just that after she fell asleep in her own bed, at some point he'd pick up her sleeping body and carry her to his bed...where she'd wake each morning.

And then my brain recalled the conversation about secrets...

And the way she is always kissing her father on the mouth...

And the way she'd recently begun obsessively washing her hands and mouth nearly constantly...

And lots of other little things and nuances that I'd not paid much attention to before...

And then my brain imploded.

There was silence...briefly. But soon there began an internal endless scream.

Now, the next part was difficult for me. Because I had to suss information out of children, without planting any ideas in their heads. No good to make a problem where there is not one.

I began by asking my 17 year old if she knew whether her younger sister was sleeping in her own room or not. She confirmed that [Kid 3] went to sleep in her own bed each night, but awoke each morning in her father's bed.

I knew she had been sleeping in her own bed while my ex was dating his former girlfriend, and so this had only apparently begun several months prior to my discovery of the situation.

A conversation (and physical exam) with our pediatrician sent me to a child psychologist's office for two visits in one day. While it appeared to the professionals that his behavior had been HIGHLY inappropriate towards his 7 year old daughter, and that there were definitely unhealthy issues there, they convinced me that nothing criminal had occurred between them...at least not at that point. I was instructed to continue to monitor the situation and to act upon anything further.

Again, it became one more thing to add to the list of infractions.

Over the summer months prior to all of that, my husband and I had begun to smell the unmistakable aroma of marijuana in my ex's house when we'd drop the kids off. Sometimes masked by air fresheners and candles...sometimes not. Given my history with this man, it's surprising that he'd think I wouldn't identify the odor. We'd actually had some evidence of it previously, too...but nothing concrete at that time.

We tried not to make an issue out of it. Realizing it was a demon he'd been fighting most of his lifetime, and that despite him telling me that "once I'd finally left he was surprised how easy it had been to quit...apparently, he'd only needed to smoke dope because he was married to me", and despite him having smoked for over ten years before I'd ever met him, I had seen him try and fail many times before. Wait and see became the policy there, too.

Until in December, I received a rather frantic call from [Kid 2]. She was upset because she'd been visiting her cousin (who is now residing in my ex's finished basement), and when she'd come back upstairs had been struck by the smell of marijuana. A high school junior, while she doesn't use the product herself, she's familiar enough with the smell.

She wasn't certain until shortly afterwards, her father came into her room to watch tv with her. Apparently his breath and his clothing reeked so badly of it that it made her sick, and she bade her father goodnight, indicating she was turning in.

She called me because she was concerned about her father. Concerned, too, about his ability to make good judgments for her and her younger sister. She was angry that there was little food at his house for them (and that he'd made no effort to pay arrearages to them), but apparently had money for marijuana. Clearly, she was scared and upset by this.

I advised her to speak with him about her very valid feelings. But she refused. She could not discuss such a difficult topic with him without fear of a heated conversation.

::sigh::

Such is the case far too often with him. None of my daughters wants to talk to him about the difficult things because of the all too real possibility of him losing his temper. Though he denies, nearly constantly, that there's a problem there.

In any event, she sought support from a friend with a drug-addicted father, and she and I attended an al-anon meeting that featured a speaker who had been married to a marijuana addict and spoke, at length, about what his addiction had done to their marriage, their family, and her children. While I found it quite informational, [Kid 2] found it entirely too religious for her tastes and indicated that, while she found some benefits in the meeting, she did not want to attend any further meetings there.

Mostly, I wanted to empower her and to show her that her father's drug addiction was not her fault or her problem to fix. It was his. Entirely.

By February, things had, once again, calmed down a little. And then, I received this email from my daughter. I'm recreating it as I received it because it packed a wallop.

it is 10:02 p.m. and i just walked from the basement to my room. dad is breathing heavily, and him and his room smell again. it's that same smell as last time. it's that same smell i remember smelling during my childhood. i'm glad he waited until [Kid 3] fell asleep, but it still pisses me off that he's doing this.

i just thought i'd tell you now though. so that i dont forget what time it is or forget about it all together.

i love you

And so, that became the final straw. I couldn't let her take all of this on her shoulders...as much as she's already carrying at that house...so we filed a legal motion.

The motion indicated that my ex would not do any of the following:

* He would not sleep with any of his daughters.

* He would not encourage any of his daughters to keep secrets from me.

* He would not smoke marijuana during his parenting time with the children. (Now this one is odd to me, but as I understand it, family court cannot address the criminal activity of his use of illegal drugs, only as to how that use affects the children. That does not mean, however, that he could not be criminally prosecuted for the behavior. Just not in this same proceeding.)

* He would not post personally identifiable information about me, my husband or our children on the internet. (This in response to his attempts to get my husband fired from his job...a move which, if successful, would have hurt these children...by posting various information, including his full name and address on the internet. The address, of course, where his own children reside 3 weeks out of each month. The address, of course, that we instruct our children NEVER to post on the internet, due to predators, etc.)

My middle daughter had intended to testify. I wasn't terribly sure about that, but she insisted that she wanted to do it. Maybe even needed to do it. So we waited it out until time.

When my ex received notification of the upcoming hearing, he was shocked. Of course he had no idea that any of his behaviors could be, in any way, harmful to his children. He admitted he still had a chip on his shoulder (alert CNN, somebody), but hoping we could...once again...work things out (which actually means, "can't you just continue to overlook my shortcomings and allow me to continue to damage our children while I do everything I can to be as nasty as possible to you?"). I cannot tell you how many times I have let him do this. Promise he'll be better and then, as he has no difficulty lying to me, do what he wants afterwards.

Not this time.

This time I needed it on the record. If further incidents occurred, I needed the judge to be able to see how erratic his behavior was, how poor his parenting, how bad his judgment. And see that it was not an isolated incident, but was, instead, the way it was. Every day of our lives.

My lawyer had made an error in notifying me of the date and, unfortunately...or maybe fortunately...[Kid 2] was away at camp when we went to court.

The advantage, clearly, to my ex, as his lawyer notified mine and advised that their defense was to deny that any of those things had happened. Of course, this was a new lawyer and he wasn't aware that my ex was a notorious liar and that I'd, OF COURSE, have evidence to the contrary. (Heh...including an email from his current girlfriend asking why I took issue with him sleeping with his 7 year old daughter - fishing for information, I suppose - and then concurring with my explanation as to why it is a problem.)

Upon arrival at the courthouse, my ex's lawyer came over to where my lawyer and I were sitting and advised that his client was ready to sign the motion agreeing to all our terms if we could avoid the hearing. I think my lawyer would have been rather delighted to have the afternoon off, but I wasn't having it. This stuff needed to be on the record.

Without going into the details, court went exceptionally well. Most of my testimony was un-rebutted. And that where rebuttal was attempted, did no good.

On June 20th, the judge signed off on the order as we'd presented it. He did not add any clause instructing me to follow the same guidelines (as had been suggested at one point by my ex...as if I were doing any of the things in the order anyway).

I'm aware that (in the less than two weeks subsequently) he has already broken at least one of the orders. If only because of his humiliation and terroristic threatening tactics that are NEVER appropriate parenting, I deeply wish he'd take some parenting skill classes, as well as drug rehab. I fear, however, that until they are court-ordered, he will never do so.

Sadly, my girls are the ones who suffer while he fights to prove that he's not doing anything wrong. In fact, a rather nasty episode in the last couple days really has me troubled.

Now, this is not provided as a "woe is me" kinda post. (Nor, is it provided as "a post so long you will gouge your own eyes out before you finish it" kinda post.) It's basically an explanation as to what's been going on (and continues to go on) in my world...and why I haven't been blogging much. So, if you don't see me around, it's likely because all I have to blog about is this shit. And it just clings to you and suffocates you and you need a "Silkwood" shower to get it off you...and nobody wants that.

So, go enjoy the holiday and be about your business. Seriously! And thanks, once again, for letting me pound my fists on this keyboard and scream into the void.

Just Another Manic Monday...

2008-06-11T15:26:00.003-04:00

I realize it's Wednesday.

Really I do.

It's taken me that long to get to this. Gee my life sure is excitin'!!

Monday morning, I was sitting back at my desk, typing up a storm, when something caught my eye...peripherally. The area in the back of my office (I sit in the VERY back) is pretty wide open...a cube farm...and we can all kinda see/hear each other fairly easily.

So...on first pass, I wasn't quite sure what the movement had been roughly 15 feet to my right. I just shrugged it off and kept typing. And then it came back into the same visual field. Everyone was pretty busy at their individual stations, so I looked up just in time to see a bird flying around the studio.

And I can tell you, you don't see that every day. Or ever, even.

So I shouted, "Hey! Do you guys see that bird flying all over the studio?" And, at that point it was. It was kind of doing laps from one end to the other. Up the right side of the studio, down the left. Over and over.

It was pretty weird for a Monday morning. Even around my office.

Of course, productivity came to a standstill as we all watched the bird and tried to figure out how a bird got in and how we'd get it out.

Then, my boss came back to the studio. And he completely ruined my day.

"That's not a bird," he said. "It's a bat."

The tires screeched in my head, complete with a visual. 'Cause it was kinda fun when it was a bird. Bats, on the other hand, are totally NOT fun. Not even a little.

So while I wanted to go back to my office, close the door and continue believing it was a bird. I had no door and, like I said, it was a damned bat.

Do I need to say that I hate the flying rodents? 'Cause I will, if need be.

Clinging to any hope, I asked my boss on what authority he spoke, because, while it was moving fast, it sure did look like a bird to me. Of course, while he was an architect by trade, he had, apparently, double-majored in flying nocturnal mammals. Who knew?

The entire tone of the studio changed after the announcement. Grown men were running and diving. Okay, that part was kinda fun...but I really couldn't enjoy it because I was panicking right there with 'em.

Several smaller factions split off from the main group, each one devising their own plan...independently. So, when the threesome who had opted to grab large cardboard box lids and try to guide the bat towards the fire escape door, where, presumably someone would open it and let him out. Another twosome, when the opportunity presented itself, opted to trap the bat in the conference room (where there are full glass doors), and call a professional to come collect the creature.

I would like to note that I was on neither team. My job, as I understood it, was to scream loudly and cover my head whenever the thing came anywhere near me and stampede anyone that got between me and the closest exit. And I was holding up my end just fine. Well enough, in fact, that I was inching up the hallway towards the conference room, when I witnessed the twosome succeed in trapping the bat in the conference room.

Hooray!!

Only...

Through the glass doors of the conference room I could suddenly see the threesome with the box lids running for their lives. Trapped inside the conference room, and the twosome wouldn't open the doors for fear of letting the bat back out.

"You can't trap your own people in with that thing!", I shouted. They turned and looked at me as if I were mad, while our 19 year old receptionist was beating on the glass with a look of sheer horror on her face. When they turned back to watch what was unfolding in the room as the three of our employees ran circles around the conference room table fending off a diving bat and questioning future employment with the firm, finally one of them broke. He motioned for our receptionist to come to the door and as soon as he was sure the bat was across the room, he opened the door, yanked her out and closed it again.

And then there were two.

Well, or three, if you count the bat.

One, by one, the other two were similarly extracted and then we found some towels and covered the small opening at the bottom of the double doors.

At that point, it became somewhat like a zoo exhibit. People standing and watching the bat through the glass windows as it dipped and flew and it wasn't nearly as threatening anymore.

My team (you know...me) grabbed a phonebook and there they were...Ye Olde Undesirable Animal Removal Company (heretofore known as YOUARC). Eureka!!

At this point, it was about 10:30AM. Our ordeal had only been in progress for about 15-20 minutes, but it seemed like much longer. YOUARC said they could come along and collect our undesirable animal for a handsome fee of $148 (which seemed both exhorbitant...for an animal that was already trapped, and quite a bargain...as opposed to me having to actually do it myself) sometime early afternoon.

And so, things calmed down as we awaited the arrival of the professionals. Around 2PM, my boss was back at my desk talking to me, when, something in my right periphery moved. Or more accurately, fluttered.

Of course, never missing a beat, our team (or, you know, me) sprung into action and let go a studio-length scream, thus alerting all the players that we were all in for another round of fun.

Some of the players (the ones that had been trapped last time) weren't as game. And one player retreated to an office with an actual door and opted to sit this round out.

A couple headed for the conference room to see if bat #1 (which he had now become) was still within, or if he had (somehow) managed to escape. The horror that this was now bat #2 we were dealing with, was only marginally worse than thinking bat #1 could phase through walls.

No sign of bat #1 in the conference room, the two brave souls opened the door and took a closer look. True enough, he'd managed to escape. (Given the large industrial duct system throughout our office, the assumption is that he flew into one of the large vents in the conference room and out through a similar one in the studio.)

Evil AND genius. Damn!!

In any event, the one and only bat made several more passes through the studio (perhaps mocking our inferiority), and then he seemed to disappear.

I was dialing YOUARC to get their ETA while all of that was going on. Only, see, I got a voicemail box instead of a live person.

Drat! Drat! Drat!!!!

The nervous tension as we all tried to go back to our work, nearly constantly casting a glance upward toward the ceiling, made it quite difficult to concentrate. I called my husband, who was trying to be supportive but could see the comedy far too easily. So, I checked in with the kids…who became excited and begged me to bring the little fella home as a new pet.

::sigh::

I’d nearly given up hope of a resolution I could live with (and was already planning what I’d be doing on my “sick day”), when the YOUARC representative arrived. He looked nearly exactly like I would have expected…if I’d expected anything specific. He was in his mid to late thirties and bald. With his right eye cocked in towards his nose and some of his front teeth missing. He carried with him a well-worn pillowcase (that reeked of skunk spray) and nothing else. At that point, I became even more skeptical of a conclusion to the bat saga.

Walking him around the office, I told him the long tale and we ended up at the last place anyone had seen the bat before he vanished. I’m sure I sounded disheartened, as, at that point, I’d resigned myself to believing the bat had gone back into an air duct and would hide there until the most opportune time to get me. But the YOUARC guy said, simply, “Do you have a ladder?” I stammered a little and said, “I think so.” And he said, “The bat’s right there,” and pointed up at the ductwork above our heads.

I still couldn’t see it…which was actually better for me anyway…but I hurried to get the ladder in the hopes that he could do something to end this ordeal. Permanently.

When I got back, he’d donned a pair of black gloves…rhinoceros hide, I think…which must have been in a pocket, and had his pillowcase at the ready. He cautiously and quietly climbed the ladder and then, with a smooth stroke, he scooped up the bat from his nap. Exhausted from the activities of the day, he’d been resting there. The bat was then dropped into the odoriferous pillowcase and it was knotted at the top.

One hundred and forty eight dollars and five hours after the ordeal had begun, the bat was gone.

Forever.

On Wednesday, I'm nearly recovered.

Passing it Along

2008-06-11T15:25:00.001-04:00

Got this clip via email from the folks at Move-On...along with a request to help raise $70,000 to put this ad (which John Cusack did for free) on the air. Don't have $70,000, but maybe getting it out there will help spread it.

Maybe someone with $70,000 will see it on a blog and be motivated to help.

You never know.

It could happen.

Flashback Friday No Ticket Concert Tour

2008-06-06T16:16:00.004-04:00

Don't know if I pulled this one out of my hat already or not...

But I'm sitting around my house waiting for the cable company to come repair our service (having already taken the van to get brake work this afternoon...ah, yes, a banner day), and someone sent me a clip and I started remembering a few "reunion" tours I've seen over the years.

Consequently, it's a Flashback Friday AND a No Ticket Concert Tour (heh...it's a floor wax AND a dessert topping...)

Anyway, without further rambling, I bring you The Oral Report "Reunion" Tour!!

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Ba-na-na

2008-05-31T18:31:00.003-04:00

Hi, Gang!! I really have missed you. Cross my heart!

Life is ~~steam~~ rolling right along and I just haven't had a moment to blog.

Lots of cool things to chat about, but most of them are either not for my ex's info (and he maintains his obsession here) or are local and are more identifiable than I'd like to be here.

Sooooo, I thought I'd share the latest craze around Castle Anthrax.

Muffins...

The new catch-phrases in our house are all muffin flavors.

No. We are NOT weird.

Oooh, and for the non-American Idol folks out there, you likely missed this and it's kinda funny, too...

Just Pick Somebody, Will Ya?

2008-05-17T23:02:00.001-04:00

This jewel made the rounds at my office yesterday. Thought some of you might enjoy it.

Freebie Thursday!

2008-05-15T07:53:00.006-04:00

Tony Collett I am not, but I wanted to let anyone who may be interested in such things, know that McDonald's is giving away free food today. For the purchase of a medium or large drink, between 7AM and 7PM, McDonald's will give you either a free southern-style chicken biscuit or one of their new southern-style chicken sandwiches (menu options are tied entirely to the time of day of your visit). This is a one-day only event, so you know, get what you can, while you can, from the corporate machine!

Also, while you're out and about getting your free stuff...you might wanna hit up Dunkin' Donuts. Free Iced Coffee today between 10AM and 10PM.

That's right. Dunkin' Donuts AND McDonald's. Mass hysteria ensues.

Now run along.

And don't say I never gave you anything.

More Today Than Yesterday...

2008-04-22T09:53:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, was a pretty good day.

And not even in that "pretty good day for a Monday" kinda way, either.

A gorgeous (and I MEAN gorgeous!!!) bouquet of pink roses and stargazer lilies showed up at my office before lunchtime. So large was this bouquet that it took two strapping men to deliver it. The pregnant woman in my office who signed for said bouquet was under doctor's orders not to lift it due to it's girth, and so she called for me to pick up my own damned flowers...or something like that.

The card read...

Happy Anniversary!

I Love You

Thanks for Making All My Dreams Come True

Love,

Your Husband

I would say the card simply read that...but despite the lack of volume, the content packs a very adequate punch. (Eat your hearts out, ladies!)

One year ago, yesterday, I married this very romantic and thoughtful man. It was a beautiful spring day full of music and the love of our friends and family.

Me, who swore I would never again walk down the aisle...

One year ago, yesterday, Highlander agreed to spend the rest of his life making me happy and being my friend and loving me. But not only me, my three girls as well. And we all agreed to do the same in return.

Some days are easier for him to do that than others...LOL.

Being a very...well...nontraditional couple...we had something in mind for our first anniversary. Since the kids were with us, and since he accepted all of us that fateful day one year ago, yesterday, it was a rather larger outing than most anniversary dates.

I left work a little early, picked him up, and then we did a couple errands before arriving at our place (with [Kid 3] in tow), just before 5PM. We changed into the shirts I custom-made last year identifying us as belonging to each other, loaded up all the kids and our best man, and headed out to do what is maybe the most sickeningly sweet anniversary thing ever.
We went to [Kid 3]'s favorite place in the world...Build a Bear.

Highlander and I selected a heart, made a wish on it, kissed it, and then place it in each others' bear. So, effectively, his bear has my heart and my bear has his. Goofy, I know. But, so completely adorable and unique that I had to go for it.

Plus, my teens, who have always wanted to buy one of these pricey bears (without actually having to spend their money to do so), were COMPLETELY excited about the prospect, and, of course, [Kid 3] was a giddy puddle of goo by the time we got there. Even Nate participated, upon finding work boots and a tool belt for his furry friend.

And so, after a delightful time of picking out the perfect "bear", stuffing them, dressing them and then giving the Build a Bear organization a rather hefty donation, we awayed to a very enjoyable dinner together.

As the weather was 78 with just a hint of a breeze, we found a nearby restaurant with a patio and soaked up the fresh air and yummy cuisine.

It was not difficult to step back from the picture to realize how very lucky I am...and happy...to be living the life I am living. Yeah, it's not all roses and stuffed bears every day, but my life is full to brimming with love. And I have chosen to spend the rest of it with a man who not only works so hard to make my life better and more joyful...but who does so for my girls as well.

So, while I am not going out of my way looking for bad days, I'll take them. Because the good ones far, far outnumber the bad ones.

Highlander, thank you for a wonderful first anniversary. And I really do love you more today than yesterday...but not as much as tomorrow...

I Feel The Earth Move Under My Feet

2008-04-18T07:27:00.004-04:00

Guess what, Gang??

We had a little non-caffeinated help waking up this morning.

Oh sure the alarm went off at 5:20...but I was stilling lolling around at 5:38.

While we weren't at the epicenter, we still had a pretty decent shake from the 5.4 richter scale quake.

It sent [Kid 3] bolting out of bed and hurtling towards our room. [Kid 2], however, maintains her reputation as my best sleeper of the bunch!

Minimal damage here in River City and definitely none to us. But an interesting way to start the day to be sure!!

I Checked My Calendar This Morning...

2008-04-15T08:37:00.002-04:00

That's right...it's that time of year again...Mr. Norton's Birthday!!

Hope it's a great one, Mikey!!

(Heh...I love how that graphic works with Tax Day, too!!)

N'yuck N'yuck N'yuck...

2008-04-08T11:31:00.003-04:00

You may have already seen this...um...political poster. (I'm always at the tail end of these things.) It was distributed around my office today by my friend the republican architect. Two things jumped out at me immediately.

First (probably because I'm "chick-like" in my power) was that it was kinda sad that Hillary got stuck with the Larry hair...but I suppose it coulda been worse, given the alternatives.

Second was that John McCain had been cast in the role of Curly/Shemp/Curly Joe (it's so hard to tell, you know?), while Barack Obama had been given the role of Moe Howard. Sure a stooge is a stooge, but when it comes to these particular guys, Moe is BY FAR the brains of the operation, as well as the clear leader of the group. Probably doesn't mean anything in the context of the photo. I just thought it was interesting (considering that any of them could have been put in any of the positions equally) that Obama had been cast as "Moe".

I can haz ur attenshun?

2008-04-03T07:44:00.011-04:00

Hi, boys and girls.

Today, we're gonna talk, just a little, about 'lolcats'. Those wacky photos with the crazy captions. The classic (if not the original)...

Sure, I thought it was funny, too. Until I ran across this gem...

Which totally made me think of this poor, disrespected guy...

I suppose, at least in part, because I sympathize with the caveman, I find the rebel lolcat to be the superior model. He is like the Bill Cosby of lolcats, trying to empower the lolcat and raise the wack lolcats outta the far too accepted stereotype.

And I say, "RIGHT ON!", Rebel Lolcat. You go, Kitty, Kitty!

'Cause pictures like this...

or this...

or, heaven forbid, this...

only bring ALL lolcats down.

And that's racial profiling. And that's wrong.

Bringing the Random...

2008-03-24T16:58:00.001-04:00

Yeah, it's been a while...I know.

A mixture of "I've been really busy" and "I really don't have anything to blog about", have finally come to a cataclysmic head. You are here. It's historical and all. Whee.

Without further ado, here's some stuff.

Pointy birds
Oh pointy, pointy
Anoint my head
Anointy nointy

We all know that's Steve Martin gold, there, right? Just checking.

Who could know for certain, but I doubt this is what Jesus would do...In other news, we've got lots of left-over Easter ham and as Jesus is a Jew, I guess he wouldn't help out there, either. Also, isn't it odd that pork is the traditional dinner at the resurrection celebration of a man who can't eat pork?

Exactly.

Speaking of left-over ham, Bunnyman and I came up with what is likely a million dollar marketing idea the other day.

Mayo-Bread.

You know how McBurger Joint's has those McPancake thingies injected all over with syrup? Why couldn't you get you a loaf of Texas toast and do virtually the same thing with mayo? Yes, you'd have to keep your bread in the fridge, but you know there are plenty o' folks out there that would be buying that stuff like crazy.

Slap some of that left-over ham between a couple of slices and that's some good eatin'!

Just saying.

Are you guys keeping up? Good.

The new van has been somewhat naughty. It belched up transmission just two months after purchasing it. Of course the Lot where we bought it claims no prior knowledge and reiterated the "as-is" purchase clause, but they pointed me to a garage and allowed that I could take advantage of their discount (which later proved rather substantial). All that behind me (and an oil change to boot), we appear to be chugging along. Much lighter, however, in the wallet than I'd like to be, but otherwise, okay.

Oh, I know, I could totally share my "a funny thing happened on the way to pick up my car from the transmission shop" story...

Efforts to maintain anonymity may suck the funny from this funny story, but I'll do my best. My regulars will be able to fill in the blanks and the uproarious humor will ensue.

Seriously.

Okay, so the transmission went out in the van. That part was a given, right? And, in an effort to help, my folks loaned me one of their vehicles. My Dad's Caddy.

Now, I must mention that my Dad is a HUGE college basketball fan.

Specifically ONE college team. (Which I cannot mention by name...you know...)

Now, I attended the college of this particular team's main rival, so my Dad and I have always had good-natured ribbing, back and forth, about this situation. You know, "Ha, Ha, Ha, your team sucks!", and "Ha, Ha, Ha, I hope your team loses.", and other fun stuff like that. 'Cause that's how we roll.

It is NOT dysfunctional.

So, I'm meeting my folks at the transmission place and I'm driving down a pretty major road here in River City and all of a sudden, the Man is behind me with the lights and sirens on, getting ready to get his oppressin' on.

I knew I hadn't been speeding. In addition to being a very rainy day, the street has traffic lights on every block, so you can't really get going very fast. So, I really expected that I maybe had a rear light out or something.

When the officer came to my window, he asked if I knew why he'd stopped me. (Does anyone ever answer that with the correct answer? "Yessir, officer, I'm pretty sure you stopped me because I was waving this pistol out the window and shooting pedestrians. You're not gonna give me a ticket for THAT are you????") I had no idea, however. He then stated that my license plate frame was obscuring my registration decal.

Now, of course, none of this is "my" anything, but I knew IMMEDIATELY that the license plate frame of which he spoke was related to my Dad's [insert college team's mascot here] obsession.

So, let's put aside, for a moment that it's pouring down rain outside. I told him, I was sorry, but that it was not my vehicle. That I'd borrowed it from my Dad while mine was being repaired and that I was, in fact, en route to return it and I'd be HAPPY (and I meant it and adequately expressed it, I think) to tell my Dad he had to remove said license plate frame.

We yucked it up a bit and he asked for my driver's license and the registration and insurance for the vehicle. I pulled my driver's license from my wallet and then opened the glove box...hoping... To my relief, I found a while envelope which contained both of said documents. It was sitting atop a larger pile of assorted paperwork. I hastily removed the registration and insurance card from the envelope and handed them to the police officer.

After nary a second or two, he asked if I had a more current insurance card and showed me that the one I'd handed him had an expiration date of February 8, 2008. On March 19th, he was, apparently, cutting me no slack. I rummaged through the remaining papers, but found nothing helpful and told him that I was certain my parents had the appropriate coverages on the vehicle.

I guess he must hear that alot, though.

He took all the stuff and went back to his dry police cruiser...

and he wrote me a ticket.

So, I gotta go to the courthouse and prove that my parent's had insurance on their car at the time I got pulled over. What a pain the butt.

And all because my Dad has to own (and display) every merchandising item this particular college team markets.

Because of this, I had to put the bad mojo on them and keep them from winning the NCAA championship. My Dad is very sad, I'm sure. But Punishment Pie is hardly ever something we want.

Let's see...Let's see...what else can I babble on about?...

Hey, here's a you tube video that I found and wanted to share...

And then, there's this disturbing little number...

Okay, otherwise, at my place, it's all about each of my girls trying to out-drama the other. Also, preparations for visitors from the north, the east and the south, all over the next several weeks. And, believe it or not, my upcoming first anniversary is in less than a month. Some of you may already have lost the office pool, I know.

Lastly, Hillary...Barack...seriously, both of you need to be bitch-slapped. You're getting sucked into republican's game. And if you're not smart enough to see it and STOP IT, neither of you deserve to be in the race at all. I really need a break from the White House republicanizing...and I'd think you would, too. Drain the dirty pool and start looking at the way this will shake out six weeks from now. We all know you both want it...badly. But if you don't cut it out, the rest of us will be the one's paying for your mistakes. Cut it out!

Okay, y'all have a good week, and I'll try not to wait a month before I post again. Honest injun.

Good night, Pa.

Good night, Mary Ellen.

Good night, John Boy.

Let Me Bring You Up To Speed

2008-02-11T09:35:00.000-05:00

A funny thing happened on the way home from work the other day.

You know how when you were in school, teachers were always telling you how the things you learned would be things you would use in everyday life? Sure, you rolled your eyes at them (everyone does), but recently I had occasion to utilize some of those lessons firsthand! Follow along with me...

(Very large roll-off tow truck)

Plus

(Hoopty 1994 Honda Accord)

Plus $100.00

Equals

(Really Nice 1997 Dodge Grand Caravan!)

I'm no math whiz, but I was delighted by the results of that equation!! (Especially since my insurance rate went down $94.00 a year for the new car!)

I was taking my regular route to pick up [Kid 3] and made it a total of four blocks from work, when a distracted repo man ran a light and totalled my car. First things first, no, I am not hurt. Not at all.

Many ambulance chasers were saddened by this news, and tried to correct my misinformed, not medically-educated, conclusion of the situation.

Somewhere, in Pennsylvania, a man is calling me "Crash [insert correct last name here]". I hear ya, Mr. N. But it totally was NOT my fault. This time.

Given that we were looking at some pretty costly, unfortunately necessary, repairs on the Honda, it really was very oddly fortuitous that it happened when/how it did.

The van is in great shape and is so much more comfy and hauly and I'm loving it!! So far, it would appear that everyone else is, too. Gas consumption is ::cough:: a little more than the Honda...and given fuel prices, my budget is feeling it...but the trade off is WAY more than worth it.

So, I'm guessing that some of that math stuff I learned in school really may pay off after all. African Geography...maybe not so much...but, you never know...

Did Anybody Get the License Number of that Psycho?

2008-02-11T09:04:00.000-05:00

Um...I guess...since we haven't had any arguments or bad feelings in a while, my ex felt it was necessary to remind me of my status.

Outta nowhere, I got this email last night. It was titled "Clarification". (I've reproduced it in it's entirety.)

Our status hasn't changed from the first day you wrote bad about me. As of late you act like you've done nothing wrong. I continue to regard your actions as disrespectful and rude and will still pass this on to others when asked. I'll treat you like I feel you treat me. Ignoring it or acting like a few good deeds preempts this is wasted effort. Questioning why you're not respected is another form of your ignorance. I never told you it's all changed and it hasn't. If you ever wonder out loud again why you you don't get treated right I'll just say "you know".

The divorce agreement part 4 clearly states that there should be no disrespect and that's how you treat me. Your opinion on this is 1 side of a 2 sided argument. I had hopes one day you would make an effort to straighten up.

No need to reply.

Sooooo, treating him with respect should not be taken as any indication that we're in any way civil...but the divorce decree says there should be no disrespect...

Perhaps the impact has disoriented me. That must be it.

I mean, the fact that he had a blog where he was writing bad things about me before I ever started blogging shouldn't be a factor...or should it? Anymore than the fact that I keep him anonymous here, where, you know, he has felt comfortable posting my address and phone number (where his kids live most of the time) on the internet where anyone could access the information.

The thing that gets me is that he must feel that since we haven't had any arguments lately, he needs to do something to slap me around a little and keep me in my place. Sheesh, I'm so over this behavior.

Oh, and for the record, the divorce decree talks about respectful parenting. Or, you know, not disrespecting each other to the kids. I'm not sure how anonymous blogging is, in any way, a violation of that. But, that's a hurdle that's simply insurmountable. He is incapable of understanding how badly he needs to get over it and move on and try to be a better parent to his children...before he loses what emotional connection he has left to any of them.

Not that I expect that to happen...which is why a reply really isn't necessary. It will do absolutely no good. I've tried. Believe me.

Overture, Curtains, Lights...

2008-01-15T09:13:00.000-05:00

This is it, the night of nights
No more rehearsing and nursing a part
We know every part by heart
Overture, curtains, lights
This is it, you'll hit the heights
And oh what heights we'll hit
On with the show this is it!

Somewhere...even now...a decrepid version of Bugs Bunny (though he's drawn really well for his age) is dialing his lawyer with those seriously oversized paws of his. Oh, well, whatcha gonna do?

In honor of tonight's kick off of AMERICAN IDOL - SEASON 7, I had a couple things I wanted to pass along.

My hubby noted (several times last season), that if when Mandisa recorded an album he'd be buying it for sure. Well, guess what I found? That's right, Baby. A Mandisa album. Only one catch, though, apparently, her professional forte' is gospel. Tricky, huh, as gospel isn't exactly your favorite kinda music. Still on the list? or you think you can resist?

Uh...oh wait...it was Lakisha, not Mandisa...and Lakisha doesn't have an album out yet.

Never mind. My bad.

Also in my bag o' goodies is this link to a Where Are They Now type site, featuring many past Idol contestants. While some (go Jennifer Hudson) have skyrocketed, others (Constantine Maroulis) have definitely exhausted their 15 minutes. For the insatiable Idol fans, you will also find links there to Biggest Idol Scandals and Worst Idol Performances, etc. Bath in it. Let your fingers get all pruny with it.

In any event, despite the fact that I am getting no kick-back of any kind to promote this show, I just wanted to pass along that tonight is a two hour audition show, starting at 8PM (Eastern time, bitches) and then there will be two more hours of that stuff tomorrow night.

As I have some errands later, it's questionable whether I'll catch the entire show tonight. Also, I'm thinking I'll be watching alone in the back room. Otherwise, the uninitiated Nate will be looking for a sharp instrument with which to puncture his eardrums.

And we wouldn't want that, would we?

But for me...drunk Paula, Randy Jackon's "Dawg Pound" and Simon's name-calling, along with all the music...I...I can't believe it's finally here again!!

::sniff:: ::sniff::

Keep Me Stat-isfied

2008-01-09T17:03:00.000-05:00

I happened to notice that I've just surpassed my Two Year Blogiversary! (The anniversary of my first post was actually last Thursday.) Those things really do sneak up on you!

In that two years, I've racked up 32,500 hits (albeit, most of them via my ex and his friends and family network) for 475 posts on The Oral Report.

Whew. That sure is a lot of hot air.

Thanks to those of you who have made it such fun (and have put up with the b.s.)!! I really do appreciate you!!

News and Views

2008-01-09T12:50:00.000-05:00

Pardon me while I scoot this in front of the microphone.

I'll try to be brief.

No, I will not sign any guarantees.

I read today that the guy currently residing at the White House, in a surprisingly un-republican move, has signed what I'd call a minor victory in gun control law, into effect.

It's difficult for me to believe that, up until yesterday, severe mental health problems were not a hurdle in the purchase of a deadly weapon. Well, given the NRA, I guess it's not a HUGE surprise.

However, since the Virginia Tech shootings last year, we're apparently ready to take the first steps to keep dangerous weapons out of the hands of those who have no business with them, and I say "Right On!".

Yeah, I'm a gun control nut. And, if it makes you feel better, my Dad is a member of the NRA. So, basically, we cancel each other out, politically speaking. He knows I'm always gonna vote for gun control, so he always makes a point of getting to the polls to cancel mine out. It's kinda cute, really.

The point is that, even if you're one of "them", you don't have to worry about me being the one who takes the gun from your cold, dead hands...though typing that makes me kinda tingly...I'm no threat to you. My vote don't count for shit. (Though I'm not gonna get my sphygmomanometer all in a twist about it here or now.)

I gotta wonder, though, do you have to be a card-carrying member of the Looney Club? Or how is that gonna work? Gun dealers are gonna be (pardon me) up in arms over any repercussions that put them in the position of being a psychologist. Though, I suppose it's more likely that there will be nothing more than a slap on the wrist for dealers who don't check. Otherwise, I can't imagine Bush signing it.

In any event, I'm certain that crazy crackers who bought their guns before this historic occasion are "grandfathered in" anyway.

(Whew! Close call for Ted Nugent!)

It's unlikely the feds will be making a sweep to pick up weapons illegally owned by nutjobs. I'm sure Mr. Cheney would put a stop to any such operation before the first bedcheck...

Bill Gates Last Day at Microsoft

2008-01-09T10:32:00.000-05:00

You may have already seen this, but I found it pretty amusing.

Yeah, I'm like that.

Hey, you're here reading my blog, so what does that say about you?

Global Warming Diary - January 8, 2008

2008-01-09T10:14:00.000-05:00

Dear Diary -

Just yesterday, I was musing about wearing my sandals to work. You know I try not to let fashion rules entirely dictate what I wear, but are sandals after the first snowfall as big a faux pas as wearing white after Labor Day? I mean, really, I could use a little guidance here. And where is one to find help on Global Warming Fashion Etiquette??? Al Gore??? Leonardo DiCaprio??? It's impossible!!

Also, the recent record high temps (in a year where we've had several record-breaking weather days in River City) have my Darling D running the air conditioner. I was flummoxed (yes, Diary, I said flummoxed) to find the a/c running last night.

Um...because it's January, that's why.

Also, he was pretty unabashed about it when I called him on it. I'll have to work on that part, I know. Diary, you know, more than anyone, that I've had my fill of uppity men folk.

So, I'm wondering, Dear Diary, will I ever actually SEE snow again? Feel the cold, crisp air biting at my cheeks? Or, you know, should I just start planning a Valentine's Day picnic this year?

I realize you aren't a Magic 8 Ball, but I'd sure like to know if the four cold days we had two weeks ago, are the ENTIRE winter season this year. If not, I guess I should put the shorts back in the top of my closet. I just hope I haven't shaved my legs for nothing.

No Ticket Series - V

2008-01-09T09:25:00.000-05:00

...and worth every penny!

It's been a looooooooong time comin', Gang! Haven't done one of these since last May (I checked). Oh, I've wanted to, but who has time for such frivolity?

Me, apparently. Heh.

For the uninitiated (and there can't be more than a couple of you), this is where I do a "virtual concert". This concert is all about the music currently being played pretty much non-stop at my place....a.k.a. Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock.

First, a little commentary.

There are several songs on this game that I truly LOVE.

Truly.

I suppose it's only fair that there are many that I could do entirely without. Well, not so much "fair" as "painfully unfortunate for me". And, well, since it's my concert, I am under no obligation to include them here.

And I'm not.

So there.

Find them yourself if you're that interested. Here's a list of the whole shebang...

Also, I must note that I am completely stymied (and aghast) by the fact that there is not one Jimi Hendrix song on this game...not one...and I think that is an inexcusable, unforgiveable travesty that demands a little letter-writing, and we'll try to move on from there.

But for Lars Umlaut, Casey Lynch and "Lou", grab your axe with both hands and get ready to rock out, because the No Ticket Concert Series V is proud to present, Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock - The Originals!!!!

Living Colour - CULT OF PERSONALITY

Guns & Roses - WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE

Foghat - SLOW RIDE (which I've heard about a fifty times in the last few weeks)

Pearl Jam - EVEN FLOW

Scorpions - ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE

Cream - SUNSHINE OF YOUR LOVE

Blue Oyster Cult - CITIES ON FLAME WITH ROCK AND ROLL

Kiss - ROCK AND ROLL ALL NIGHT

The Who - THE SEEKER (German intro, English song)

Heart - BARRACUDA (One of the few up here I've seen performed live...more than once even!)

Metallica - ONE

Stevie Ray Vaughn - PRIDE AND JOY

Rolling Stones - PAINT IT BLACK

Santana - BLACK MAGIC WOMAN

Alice Cooper - SCHOOL'S OUT

Mountain - MISSISSIPPI QUEEN

Why Can't I Finish This Post??? (or Wii Wish You a Merry Christmas)

2008-01-03T15:00:00.000-05:00

I've been working on this thing for days (which translates to wii bowling, tennis and cooking) and can't seem to reign it in (plus my arms/hands are tired). That said, I'm trimming here and there (and not looking at the wii) and posting the fricken fracken thing now. Tired of it (and need to get back to the wii)!!

Our hi-tech Christmas behind us, the decorations now boxed up and stored (once again) in the basement, I wanted to share a few things as I look back over 2007 and forward into 2008.

And lest I forget, many thanks to all our generous friends who have helped make this holiday season brighter for me, D and the kidz. You guys are the best. O' course I tell ya that all the time, don't I?

Now, first, if you want more of those old school computer pics, here's a link. I ran across them and it's too close to a walk down memory lane for comfort. Maybe you guys are braver than I am. They've got some good ones, though.

I gotta say that 2007 has been a pretty good year for me. At the top of that list, my wedding last spring. Marrying D was something I did hesitantly. Not because I wasn't in love with him and vice versa, or didn't think he'd be a wonderful stepfather to my girls, but because I wasn't sure of myself.

In addition to the mounds of unconditional love, respect, support, PATIENCE and understanding he gives me, he makes me see that there is nothing I cannot do. Every single day. And believe me, there are days I need a LOT of propping up. While he doesn't always come off that way around the blogosphere, he is a genuinely nice guy with a huge heart of gold. I'm incredibly lucky to know him...even luckier to call him mine.

My eldest daughter graduated from high school (which was dicey there towards the end) and has started her freshman year at our local university. Sometimes the parallels between her life at this period and mine are entirely too real for me, but I'm happy for her, as she embarks on this part of her life, and I'm helping her as much as she'll let me. It's almost like watching her take those first baby steps nearly 17 years ago. I want her to succeed, but I'm so afraid she'll falter. I really am looking forward, though, to seeing where life takes her.

In 2007, my middle daughter got braces. A procedure we'd put off far too long for financial reasons, I'm happy to finally have this work in process. She's expected to be finished before she starts college. Cross your fingers.

We tricked Nate into moving here. We're bad like that, but we're working on it. He's been a delightful addition and has been a huge help with many, many things. Plus, also, he bought us a wii for Christmas. What's not to love?

A few bullets dodged in 2007, both of my parents' health not the least of that list. But, let's just say I'm grateful for the unexploded grenades in my life and move on.

Looking forward, I wish for peace. In my own life, as well as in the world. I wish for a national election that I can stomach. I wish for stability in my own career and in the lives of my family. I wish for the continued good health of those I hold dear. I wish for happiness for my own family and for all those I hold in my heart. Also, if it's not too much to ask, a winning lottery ticket would be good, too.

All of that said, I wanted to pass along a few links to kick off the new year.

Things like a Top Ten Worst Realtor Photo list, funny portrait studio photos with inserted captions, a weird converter that will help you learn that a male polar bear weighs as much as nine Jennifer Anniston's, or this list of amazing coincidences may be entertaining, but, believe me, I've got more.

Some of the more "helpful" links include Death Switch which is an automated system that basically ensures that passwords, bank accounts, and/or other information that may be of help to surviving loved ones is available to them, in the event of your untimely demise. Also good for that deathbed secret. Be sure you check in when prompted, though. Whew, the potential for pandemonium if you don't is outrageous. In fact, this could be a weekly reality show...

Also, here’s a link that includes 17 home remedies for bites, aches and burns. The bites aren’t likely a big problem this time of year, but the aches will make up for that. With everyone on a pretty limited budget, I thought this list could come in somewhat handy.

Are you one of the many who have to squish your sandwich to get a ball-shaped lunch? (And don't even THINK about what happens when you bring SOUP!!!)

Well, no more, now you can get Lunchballz and save yourself the trouble. A full course meal all in one convenient (and downright fun) package! Plus it's BALL SHAPED!! And didn't someone once say that round was a pretty fun shape?

Inside the ball is a protein layer, a vegetable layer, a snack layer, a dessert layer and a beverage center. MMMMM, MMMMM!!

You probably have your own list (I know I do!), but in case you need some help, Bill Maher has thrown together a list of the Biggest Dickheads of the Year. Also, the Judicial Watch's List of the Ten Most Wanted Corrupt Politicians includes far too many presidential candidates for my comfort zone. Sad, really.

The one for Tony Collett, is called Darth Vader on Acid. An art project whereby Darth Vader helmets are used as an art canvas.

Some of them really are pretty cool. So check them out if you have a minute or two.

Now, go out into the bright new year and make it a good one!! It's still fresh and everything, so try not to get a bunch of poo on it.

That goes especially for any of you folks who are in Iowa...

Male Bashing

2008-01-03T14:12:00.000-05:00

I'd never really advocate beating up men, but I did chuckle a little when I got this email forward today...

Menopause Jewelry

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring
the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When
I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. Dumb ass.

Politically Incorrect Chili

2007-12-30T10:46:00.000-05:00

That's right. I said "politically incorrect chili". (Though, sadly, this post is doomed to fail to live up to that freakishly bizarre title. Mea Culpa.)

Several weeks ago, [Kid 1] shared with me (via cellphone photographic evidence) a humorous marquis in our neighborhood. A "Cincinnati-style chili franchise", that shall go unnamed in this post that's less than a mile from our place.

Now, having sampled this particular establishment's wares many years ago, I can tell you, without hesitation, that I am not a fan of Cincinnati-style chili, nor to my knowledge, is anyone else in my household (though, it's likely that they'd keep a horror of this magnitude from me, such is the disdain I have for this place) . Consequently, it's not a place frequented by our household. Which would, I suppose, serve as some type of explanation as to why I'd not previously noticed their holiday marquis message...

I'm pretty sure they're alluding to Santa's chili ordering choices, and not something even more unsavory than their product. I must admit, though, that I could be wrong. Me and Santa, we're close. But not that close.

So, many hee-hee-hee's and ha-ha-ha's and a couple weeks later, [Kid 1] happened to be near this particular establishment, whilst in the company of a cousin she's spending a great deal of time with lately, and wanted to show her the funny signage. 'Cause, you know, Christmas was over at that point and making fun of Santa's sexual orientation was not quite the danger it had been only days before.

However, the chili parlor had changed it's sign. Not, however, disappointed by the replacement, [Kid 1] brought me home this photo...

Like these BAD chili-makin' mofo's have any idea what goes on in MY bedroom. Hmpf!

The Obligatory Christmas Post

2007-12-24T09:43:00.000-05:00

Okay, things are gonna be pretty busy today and tomorrow and it's HIGHLY unlikely I'll be back. (In fact, the only reason I'm here now is that D is working, two of the kids are still sleeping and the youngest is taking a breathing treatment...an upper respiratory thing at Christmas...GRRR!...well, and the thought of doing some laundry is less than motivating.)

Anyway, as I hadn't seen anyone else posting it, I wanted to hang a little You Tube vid here for you guys, too. Classic stuff from Mr. Bill Murray (who shares my birthday, btw). The Ghost of Christmas Present...

Have a wonderful holiday, Boys and Girls. And I hope you all get both what you want and what you need...not only now, but in the New Year, as well.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eating Rules

2007-12-20T16:12:00.000-05:00

I received this seasonal email forward today. As it includes information that simply must be passed along, for the common good, I'm posting it here, on The Oral Report.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. it's rare. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips 1-8 and start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

My Mind's Been Playing Cruel Tricks

2007-12-19T13:12:00.000-05:00

...or has it?

About 146 years ago (no offense, Steve, you look good...really), I saw a stand-up routine (not live, mind you) that Steve Martin did, wherein, he talked about The Cruel Shoes.

The bit was not particularly flattering to women. I should probably front-load with that. But the delivery was quite comical.

Steve has moved on to other things, and that's all well and good. The bit, however, stayed with me. Particularly, when I've seen shoes that look like this, or like that, or, my god, like those.

The years, apparently, have not been kind to the memories of my similarly-aged-peers. So many times, I have mentioned this routine (when I've seen shoes that looked, in some way, cruel) and have asked various people if they remember it. Hoping, against hope, for a glimmer of recognition and perhaps...perhaps...even a smile indicating that they "get it". Is that too much to ask???

But time and time again, I am rebuked.

"No, Superwife, you hot, sexy maven of all things right and comical, you must be misremembering." Or, sometimes, they give me that sideways glance...which, I've come to learn, is NOT a come hither look...and tell me that I've dreamed the entire thing. That Steve Martin never did any such routine. And something about me being DE-ranged, but by then I'm no longer listening to them, so I can't be sure about that last.

Oh, how easy it would have been to suppress my true memories, to just "let it go", but I could not. So, once again, I took a look around the web and this time...::sniff:: ::sniff::...I found a little validation.

To those of you who doubted me, well, here you go. I should also note that it probably isn't gonna live up to the build up I've given it. But, mostly, I'm just delighted that I found it. The following You Tube clip has the audio, but the video is a compilation of pics, as opposed to the routine (which would have included some trademark Steve Martin facial expressions). But it will give you the idea.

Lastly, I just wanted to say, to all of you who urged me to give up the dream...N'Yah, N'Yah, N'Yah, N'Yah, N'Yah...I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!

Miss Me?

2007-12-19T10:43:00.000-05:00

Life has been…um…interesting.

And more than a little busy.

But you folks know all about that stuff. Don't you?

'Tis the season and all, huh?

Well around Castle Anthrax, we're in pretty good shape. Just a couple of small things yet to be picked up, but there is still multitudes of wrapping to be done.

Getting down to the wire and starting to plan out Christmas dinner. I think most will enjoy their gifts. My sister is always a toss-up. And we've done more homemade gifts than usual this year, so that's always kinda dicey. I can't TALK about them here, because you people simply cannot keep a secret. After Christmas, maybe I'll have Martha do a guest spot. Lucky Bastards.

Our dear friend, Nate (whose blog is kinda anonymous now or I'd link it, too), has apparently wrapped a Buick and put it under our tree. At least that's about the right sized box for one. So, it'll be nice to be driving a new car in the new year. I'm greatly looking forward to it.

Speaking of our tree, it's gorgeous (if deadly), and while it's definitely starting to dry out a bit, I'm pretty sure there will be actual pine needles (and not just on the floor...or embedded in our respective jugular veins...either) for Christmas. My oldest daughter took some pics of the tree with her cellphone, but they really don't do it justice (can justice really BE done to this tree???). Consequently, I need to borrow a digital (as the birthday gift I tried to give my hubby last month blew up spectacularly) so I can get some pics of it posted for you all to admire.

I'm working on it.

We have no snow. And it's unlikely we'll get any by next Tuesday. And that sucks. I really do enjoy a white Christmas. Ironically, the Christmas BEFORE my hubby moved to River City was one such Christmas. A nice 6" late Christmas Eve snowfall was a delightful gift. Waking up and looking out onto the pristine snow on Christmas morning filled me with such warmth...and a touch of nostalgia. Missing those northern Christmases, I suppose. Anyway, many of our northern friends may get to enjoy themselves a White Christmas. ~~Fricken, Fracken, Rashen, Frashen snow stealin' no good~~

On the downside, there's been much nasty arguing with my ex about the inconvenience of not giving him the kids' Christmas lists (which, of course, saves him from the distasteful business of actually speaking to them himself) when they were originally available. (The tricky part of THAT is that I didn't do it because he specifically told me not to. Though somehow I'm still responsible for the consequences of respecting his decision.) Always a good time (that's sarcasm), but especially so this time of year (see previous note).

Anywho, I'm shaking that crap off and doing what I can to make as nice a holiday as I can for myself and the peeps I love. Changing gears a bit, I was tooling around the net, and ran across a few "seasonal" items that I simply HAD to share with you all. Had to.

A Top Ten, if you will, of bad nativities (the rubber ducks wins the prize for me, Gang) to show you just how frightening this stuff can get.

I'm happy to report that I have not seen a nativity tie in person.

And that my children are too old to be receiving nativity ducks for Christmas.

Next on the list of...let's call them Questionable Gift Ideas...is this little gem.

I like the one size fits all option on a gift like this.

And the fact that, here in America, you can sell anything. So, if you gotta have one...or have an idiot on your gift list...here's the place to get one.

Likely too late to pick up one of these new toys, but maybe next year...

The entrails splayed out are a nice touch and one I'm sure won't be lost on young children.

I will say, though, that I'm CERTAIN there is a market out there for this stuff. And less enthusiastically, possibly in my own home...

This clip is actually safe for work (unless you work at the MENSA offices). It's two hot girls in a shower...having what they believe is an intelligent conversation.

Lastly, here's a little "homemade" JibJab Christmas goodie I wanted to share. Hoping that all of you have a most excellent holiday!! (Which is more than the Spears' family is likely to have. As yet, another one is trying to put the 'ho' in holiday!. )

Don't send a lame Holiday eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

Two Wrongs Make a Right?

2007-11-29T09:53:00.001-05:00

Does it ever occur to anyone else that maybe Britney Spears and Michael Jackson would make a good couple? Sure, Michael's gotten older and he's no longer the one with the daily antics (having kids seems to have settled him down a little...the antics are more monthly now), but certainly Britney seems to have been inspired.

After her latest, I was thinking, "You know, if we could hook the two of them together, give Kevin Federline the kids (yeah, okay, the plan's not flawless), maybe they'd be enough for each other. Certainly supportive of each others' outrageous behavior." Right? Shoot, maybe he'd even take her to Bahrain to live!

Although, maybe the two of them together would ramp up the eccentric exponentially. Maybe they'd BOTH be in the news daily.

Some problems are just too big for my brain...

Simply Amazing...

2007-11-28T09:30:00.000-05:00

So, last night, [Kid 1]'s Brownie troop was having an award ceremony and pot luck dinner. ([Kid 1] got like a gazillion badges, by the way.)

Bunnyman had to work late, and my two older girls were bored to tears at the thought of a Brownie award ceremony and potluck dinner, so [Kid 1] grabbed up a big pan of baked beans I'd made and headed over to the school, where we met her dad.

It got started a little late, but all the girls had a great time and were completely adorable in their little uniforms. After the ceremony, the kids were to drag their parents through the buffet line and load up on all good chow there. (As a side note, I'm not sure who made the sour cream and cheddar mashed potatoes, but they were THE BOMB!)

Couldn't get more Middle-Class American than that, huh? So we sit with one of [Kid 1]'s friends and we're chatting amongst ourselves and I look up and see them.

You can't mistake this couple if you know them, so I knew, immediately, that it was national celeb time.

Sure, yeah, we're talking Reality TV National Celeb Time, but still...

If you are a fan of AMAZING RACE 12, I'm sure you'll know them, too.

They are Kynt & Vyxsin. And they're anything BUT Middle-Class American. So...you know...they kinda stood out a little.

I found it very amusing watching the parents look on in horror at this very non-traditional couple, as their kids were thinking it was pretty cool. Because my eldest child NEVER misses this couple on TV, I knew exactly who they were, and I immediately shared that with [Kid 3].

Now, [Kid 3] has seen her sister get all gothed out, so dressing to attract attention in this regard is not a shocker for her. But having "tv stars" at her Brownie potluck kind of was. Her friend knew who they were from watching the show and it wasn't long before that information had circulated throughout the group.

Ironically, parents (many of the same ones who had looked in disbelief initially) started asking to take pictures with them and Kynt was signing autographs. I called [Kid 1] and let her know they were there and she walked/ran the mile to get there to see them (and have her picture taken with them). It's on her cellphone, or I'd share it here.

Before [Kid 1] could get there, [Kid 3] really wanted to meet them. She was incredibly shy and asked me if I'd take her up to talk to them. So, once the mob had thinned a little, we did. I gotta say they seemed to really be enjoying their celebrity (not a surprise), but they also seemed to be such sweet people. Talking about what a fabulous opportunity this was for them and how much they really enjoyed seeing the world. As you'd imagine, the hardest part is keeping the secrets they are contractually obligated to keep.

Anyway, it made for an interesting evening for sure. [Kid 1] said, "Well, if there's a party going on anywhere in town, Kynt & Vyxsin know where it's at!". I suppose that even applies to a Brownie potluck.

I know that hiding your jealousy will be difficult. Do your best.

Politics on You Tube

2007-11-28T08:20:00.000-05:00

A couple guys in my office forwarded me the following You Tube vids recently. I wanted to share and since they were all political, I thought I'd just lump 'em in here together.

Maybe you've already seen them. If so, you can just lump it, too!

Maybe later, I'll tell you about the celebrities I met last night at [Kid 3]'s Brownie Award ceremony.

If You've Been Extra Good...

2007-11-21T12:40:00.000-05:00

You might consider asking Santa for one of these. I think they are UBER-Cool!!

Happy Birthday, Baby!

2007-11-21T09:03:00.000-05:00

Today is my darling husband's birthday. You know him as "D", "Highlander", "Bunnyman", "Doc Nebula"...I could go on, but it's probably best I quit making it so easy for the NSA and so hard for the feds over at the Witness Protection Program.

As I was saying, though, today is his birthday. We have plans, this evening, to go see a movie (THE MIST) and get a late steak dinner out. And all of that is just peachy.

What is not peachy is how my usually adept ability to pull together a day to make my husband feel special (complete with presents, etc.), has fallen entirely short this year. Now, I talked to him last night and explained that this really cool gift I had ordered, arrived damaged and I've spent the last three weeks trying to get it resolved. Unfortunately, it appears it may take another week...::sigh::...or two...to get it completely resolved.

Sure, I could run out on my lunchbreak today and pick up something for him. Something last minute, but something I know he'd enjoy. But it just feels wrong to me to do that. I was really excited about giving him the gift I'd originally ordered, and anything less just feels like a consolation prize to me.

But it's incredibly aggravating to have to tell him that he is going to have to wait to get his present. Especially after the very wonderful birthday celebration he pulled together for me a couple months ago.

So, last night, operating on far too little sleep, I apologized to him for the lack of a present. And he did what he always does, he told me it would be fine. He reminded me that having me and the kids were all the birthday present he needed. That sharing our lives with him was a most precious gift.

Maybe all the birthday dinners, and dinner and a movie out tonight, and a little nothing project I put together for him (which I shared this morning), will buy a little time for the present to come through.

I hope so.

'Cause I really do want him to feel special on his special day. And I'm hoping, since I blundered it so badly this year, that I can get a little help from you folks to make it better. Feel free to drop him an email, or to post a comment here (or on his blog) wishing him a Happy Birthday. I hope that will help today feel more festive for him.

If not, I'm gonna have to resort to sex.

If You Can't Stand the Heat

2007-11-20T15:10:00.000-05:00

I have been in the kitchen alot this week. Yeah. I know it's only Tuesday.

It's a good thing I really like to cook.

But I'm telling you right now. After Thursday, I am taking a vacation from the kitchen for about 3-4 days. Minimum.

My darling hubby's birthday is tomorrow, so I promised him a week of his favorite dinners leading up to Thanksgiving. I really hope he enjoys it. I am thinking I won't be doing it again any time soon.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm doing it because I want to make him happy. But I'm already worn out and I haven't made the first thing for Thanksgiving yet.

To recap, on Saturday, after a FULL day of cleaning and shopping, etc. I made homemade pizza for him.

Then on Sunday, I made chicken tenders, roasted garlic mashed potatoes and corn (broccoli if you were in the first wave) for dinner that night and pre-cooked some chicken for a chicken pot pie we had last night and threw together a pan of lasagne that we're having tonight.

Monday, I finished up the pot pie and also baked a homemade triple layer dark chocolate cake with white icing (with some mini choc. chips between the layers) and got to bed around midnight. I also premade the spread for tonight's garlic bread.

To keep on schedule, I'll have to bake the lasagne and garlic bread for dinner tonight, and then make my traditional cranberry relish (one of my favorite dishes at Thanksgiving) and two homemade pumpkin pies.

Wednesday, we are planning to go out for a celebratory birthday dinner and movie (with Nate and [Kid 1])...likely because the thought of trying to squeeze one more homecooked meal in there would have been dangerous...and then baking a frozen apple pie when I get home, and mixing up the herb butter I use on my turkey.

I doubt I can get much more done ahead, so I'll be up pretty early on Thursday and get my dressing mixed up, my turkey greased up and into the oven, throw together a green bean casserole, make two kinds of cornbread muffins (damn you and your great sounding recipes, Giada deLaurentis!), yeast rolls, mashed potatoes, corn, peas and mashed sweet potatoes.

We're planning to eat around 3PM. Shortly thereafter, "Martha" will be leaving the kitchen.

For a few days.

Unlikely there will be time to post again between now and then, so let me take this opportunity to wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving holiday!! While we all have some stress going on in our lives, Thursday will present us with the opportunity to take a few minutes to reflect on the people and things most precious to us.

Lastly, everyone should wish Tony Collett a Happy Birthday today!!

Me? I gotta go weird with it.

Living in the Future Now!

2007-11-19T16:37:00.000-05:00

My darling hubby is still looking for his jetpack, etc., but a recent illness that my father is battling (and the associated medical technology) has me believing that we are living in the future now!

Some serious problems had him admitted to the hospital last Wednesday and the standard battery of tests is coming up short on explanations. The main problem, you see, is a serious internal bleeding problem. He's been transfused five times since Wednesday and his blood pressure (as you can imagine) has been majorly wonky.

Many, many things have been ruled out at this point. I'm most grateful for the lack of any evidence of colon cancer (as his mother died from that just over five years ago).

However, it's incredibly frustrating not being able to correct/treat the problem...BECAUSE THE DOCTORS/HOSPITAL CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT'S CAUSING IT!!!!!

The next test on the list, which will likely take place tomorrow, is a Capsular Endoscopy. And, if this stuff isn't Living in the Future Now, I'm not sure what is.

I told my Mom it was "The Jetsons" technology. She just rolled her eyes at me. (Can you believe she just doesn't "get me"?)

The test will not be performed in the hospital. No one has said so, but my cynical nature believes that it's a matter of liabilities and insurance coverages. The hospital won't take it on, so my dad has to be well enough to be discharged from the hospital to get the test that will (hopefully) tell us what treatment he needs to get better...or...you know...get released from the hospital. Oh, it's tricky business.

In the meantime, he is doing better today. Blood levels and pressures are holding. He's eating a little and semi-mobile. Crazy stuff, though. Especially in the middle of all the other crazy stuff I have going on.

We live in hope.

Raise Your Hand...

2007-11-19T16:21:00.000-05:00

...if your inbox is filled to brimming with randomy goodness today!

Guess What?!?!? Mine, too! Here's a sample of what was in my email today...

Uh huh.

That's a Towel Elephant.

And if you simply MUST have one at your house. Here are instructions to make one of your very own.

Now, you've gotta admit that instructions to make a Towel Elephant are a pretty unusual find. But I gots more...c'mon.

Did you hear that actor Dick Wilson died? At 91, the actor best known for portraying Mr. Whipple in over 500 television commercials (that may be the saddest thing I've ever written, btw), has passed away. While I can't deny his status as a pop-culture icon, it was odd to find notice of his passing in my email.

And while we're doing the pop-culture icon thing, here's a You Tube video that was sent to me...

An ad for this interesting organization...(which has actually been around for a very long time)

With the holidays approaching, I suppose it's timely that I received this article about Australian Santas and their country's own "war against Christmas".

Then, of course, there was this little piece of visual humor.

I know. I know.

Some of you are gonna say that's not fair.

And I'll agree.

As soon as I get done laughing.

I'll just say that I've worked with a great many construction guys in my life. Yeah, that's the only defense I've got.

Then, taking a more serious turn, there was this article about AT&T and the NSA. Our civil liberties being the only casualty of that relationship. Well, maybe not the only casualty...but likely the most obvious.

Other than some work stuff and various Viagra ads, that was about it. A very random Monday indeed...

I Dismember Blogging....

2007-11-14T17:03:00.000-05:00

Heh...You have to be really old to get that one...

Hard to believe that it's been nearly a month since I last blogged.

I've missed it. But sometimes it seems like I'm sittin' on the porch of a house on the highway. Everything is just racing by me and I'm always trying to find a few more minutes, because there are so many things left to do. Like cars on the highway, I never seem to run out of things left to do. Tiring. (I hear ya out there, Mr. Norton.)

I imagine you're all interested in what's been going on lately, huh?

Won't hit everything, but will mention that we're all doing pretty well. Greatly looking forward to the holiday season and making pretty good inroads on the various lists...grocery lists for Thanksgiving and other lists for Christmas.

[Kid 3] had some oral surgery last week and is recovering nicely. Pretty painful and pitiful last weekend, but back to her sassy self now. The surgery involved a gum graft for a receding gum situation.

On a seven year old.

I may never "get" that one.

In any event, for the unintiated (ah, it was only yesterday that I was amongst ye ranks), the procedure entailed removing a piece of tissue from the roof of her mouth and then grafting it onto the area of the gum that was receding. So, it was that she had two owies in her mouth.

In other news, she has an award ceremony (in connection with the end of the first semester) and I've been advised that she will be receiving an award. That's on tap for Friday morning.

[Kid 2] is tutoring (in addition to school and her part-time job and squeezing time in for a boyfriend) one day a week after school. She's nothing if not amazing. Have I mentioned that she had gotten her dental stuff started? An expander in the roof of her mouth has moved her upper jaw to the point where the two front teeth (that used to overlap slightly) now have a SIGNIFICANT gap. It's part one of the process. As I understand it, as the orthodontist begins moving teeth around, the gap will disappear. I live in hope.

Anyway, the expander has done it's job and we're now at the point where we're ready to get the bottom braces put on. That is on tap for tomorrow morning.

[Kid 1] is struggling a little with independence. Still living in our home, but being a legal adult is an adventure for us all. She's been sick with a cold for about a week, but refuses to go to the doctor. As a borderline asthmatic...who refuses to take her medicine...and is sneaking and smoking...and wandering around in the cool rain...without a coat...she's not exactly taking the best care of herself. So, I've been doing that thing that I do (hey, I'm her mother, I'm allowed!).

I'm nagging.

Still hasn't gotten her there, but using some meds around the house (including a few breathing treatments with the nebulizer), have apparently helped, but she's also just found out she's been exposed to mono and I'm hoping that's one thing we can dodge through the holidays.

Speaking of the holidays, I haven't picked up the turkey yet, but I've whittled the grocery list down deeply. I also need to pick up some things to bake a cake for my darling hubby, who has a birthday coming up next week (the day before Thanksgiving), and a card I need to get in the mail...you know who you are...

I don't, generally, have the girls for Thanksgiving. Part of the divorce settlement was that my ex had them every Thanksgiving. My eldest had already decided to join us this year (still miffed at her dad about his recent snub and his near total lack of concern/interest in her life since she turned 18). And, of course, Nate will be celebrating with us. But it's always kind of sad when I don't have all my girls.

This year, due to some scheduling changes on my ex's side, we are fortunate enough to have ALL THREE girls for Thanksgiving. In fact, [Kid 1] has a couple of friends who will be joining us as well. So, it should be a big crowd. Which we will all heartily enjoy!

Ty Pennington (who is not gay) has been in town working on a house for his show. It's been pretty interesting. My kids know the family (the handicapped son plays music at their church, and his younger brother goes to school with [Kid 2]), and it's not far from our neighborhood. But traffic's been a nightmare around the construction site and no one in our tightknit group has spotted Ty (who is not gay).

But it's been rather exciting and we've all kind of enjoyed it. The show isn't scheduled to air until next spring, but the builder (who I know) has pictures of the construction progress on their website. (Interested parties can email me for a link. I'd put it here, but it really is information that will "locate" us more than I'd like to in this medium.)

Nate starts a new job next week. It seems to be a good fit for him. He'll be getting a pretty good raise from his job in New York, plus a company vehicle. The work is in a field in which he has some expertise and so it should be fairly comfortable. Work is work, though, and I'm hoping it doesn't turn into a "job" too fast.

I don't think I mentioned it, but, as I type this post I can't help but see the present D gave me for our 6 month wedding anniversary. That's right. He's that ga-ga.

He actually picked up gifts for all "his girls". Mine, however, was the best! It's a BEAUTIFUL bracelet watch. EXACTLY like I have wanted for years. And I was delighted to have it. I really was!! Who ever heard of a six month wedding anniversary?!? He's the most considerate and sensitive person I've ever known (and an utter DOLL) and I am just so crazy about him!!

I'm working on a crappy birthday surprise for him, but it's not working out so well. I haven't given up hope...completely...but it's gonna take a miracle to pull it off...

The kids go to spend a week with their dad on Saturday and, between finishing getting things ready for Thanksgiving (including cleaning the entire house and grocery shopping), are hoping to catch a few movies. Including THE MIST. As it's his birthday week, of course I'll be letting him do all the picking.

He's also already scheduled to have a week of all his favorite dinners, too. Lasagne, chicken pot pie, chicken tenders, and more... So, yeah, it's gonna be more busy than when we have the girls...LOL! If you don't see me around much...well...you've have a clue.

Okay, that's all you get for now. Go buy some cranberries or something!

BRRAAAAAAIINNSSS!!!

2007-10-25T12:04:00.000-04:00

That's right, Boys and Girls. It's that time of year again. And because The Oral Report wants all of you to have a Safe and Happy Halloween, here's some important information to help you avoid some pretty nasty stuff out there.

You know the term. You've seen NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD 27 times. But do you have the skills and information you need? Think so, huh. Let's see how you do with this quiz.

Would You Survive a Zombie Apocalypse?

Almost definately of course we can't be certain, but you stand a very good chance. You know enough about the living dead and basic survival to be the leader of the group.Did you pick run a bath, because if you did, good job. You'll need as much water as possible because it's going to get cut.
Take this quiz!

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Hmmm, okay, okay. Looking good, but here's a short video that could help you improve your odds of survival.

And if that doesn't answer all your questions, this link from How Stuff Works (an excellent source of general information, btw), should give you a much broader picture.

Of course, there is always the option to dress like your attackers to try to throw them off (a'la SHAUN OF THE DEAD). This site has some excellent choices in costumes and accessory items.

Also, not difficult to throw something together yourself, with stuff you may have in your own house!

And don't forget the kiddies!

For added effect, this link may help you with the lingo.

If you feel you need more research, get ye to the video store!! Maybe checking out one (or more) of the titles on this list will give you an idea what you will be dealing with.

Lastly, please don't think this post is all just holiday nonsense. The Oral Report feels it is critical that you, dear, dear readers, are prepared for what may already be a serious threat. No need to thank me...just doing my civic duty! I'm sure that any of you would do the same.

You may also want to note that in the event that you need it, I will not hesitate to cut your head off.

I'm just saying.

Blow Me!

2007-10-19T09:48:00.000-04:00

Kinda late in the season for it, but River City fell victim to another risk from Global Warming. An extension of tornado season.

Yippee.

Luckily, the worst storms didn't hit our neighborhood, but the folks on the other side of the park didn't fair as well. Their power is back on this morning, but they'll be busy with clean up for a while.

Also, glad [Kid 3] and I were home when it started (and that D barely beat it, too), as this photo is of a business entirely too close to my office!

([Kid 1] called from school to let me know she was being routed to the basement of the building she was in, and I called [Kid 2] who was at work and she advised that they were okay there, too.)

Wanted to let the few of you who stop in here know that we're all fine down here. (Though I need to check in with Nate, as he rode it out at his place last night.) Hoping the hoosier contingency avoided the damage as well, but I know much of it was headed your way.

The juxtaposition with the upcoming holiday also made for interesting news reports. One newscaster was touring a neighborhood that had been hit and reported early this morning, that "tree limbs and disembodied heads with hatchets in them are scattered everywhere." In the dark, I suppose you really don't want to think the body parts strewn about around you are anything BUT Halloween decorations...

I Ain't Missing You At All...

2007-10-17T12:56:00.000-04:00

::sniffle::

...Since you been gone...

Ran across a few things and wanted to share. Still wondering about a couple movies that are supposed to be coming soon. Surely, HBO hasn't forsaken us...'cause that would just break my heart.

In any event, here are a few things that the fans amongst you may enjoy...

Reflections From the Other Side of a Particularly Long Weekend

2007-10-12T10:45:00.000-04:00

Howdy, Gang! Busy the last couple days catching things up at work (thus the ignorathon...my apologies). After my regular half-day Friday, the standard weekend, and then throwing in a couple va-ca days Monday and Tuesday, things were a little piled up at the office.

Much as I'd love to share leisurely stories of sauna naps and reading racy novels while sipping mulled cider under the shade of an autumn colored oak, my days were filled to brimming with a good deal of "mom-bizness". Nature of the beast, I suppose. Honestly, as tiring as it gets sometimes, I know I wouldn't trade this temporary gig for anything. Primarily because I realize just how temporary a gig it is.

In any event, the two younger kids were out of school Friday, Monday and Tuesday. The timing worked well for a camping trip with their dad. At least for the younger two. [Kid 1] was working all weekend.

Friday, Nate, D, [Kid 1] and I had planned to catch a matinee of RESIDENT EVIL flick. Within minutes of when we were planning to leave to head to the theatre, I got a call from downtown about a problem at the building. Which, of course, completely derailed the train to Funsville. D and I went and straightened it out, but upon our return, it was clear that there would not be time for [Kid1] to join us before she had to get to work. Quite disappointing.

However, we made our way as quickly as we could to a theatre on the other side of the river (as it was the last one still showing the film at a time we could catch for matinee prices). While it was not a film I, myself, would have elected to see, it was fun to spend the time with people I enjoy spending time with. Having no history with either the video game or the previous incarnations of this series, I had to be spoon fed a few details. But, honestly, very few.

There were some pretty spectacular special effects and the action just kept on coming. Though I will say that watching zombies eating flesh vastly diminishes the amount of popcorn you want to eat. Also, what is with a movie theatre that sells those yummy pretzel bites...but no mustard? Cretins.

The movie was late enough that we were destined to hit rush hour traffic back across the bridge (an unpleasant reality), so we opted to explore a little in Southern Indiana. Hitting a little geek shop we have been to before, and a Hobby Lobby we haven't. Then taking Nate to one of our favorite local restaurants for a deeply delicious Italian dinner.

Saturday was full of grocery shopping and domestic stuff. Though Saturday evening brought some interesting role-playing that teetered on the edge of ruin all night, but luck was with us 'til the end and the results were a whoooooole lotta loot!! Sad that it's only the virtual variety. But fun, nonetheless. (I suppose pretend shopping is all I can afford right now.)

Sunday had the kids returning from their camping trip, though I got a call late afternoon advising that they would be late as my ex had some vehicular difficulties that were proving the better of him. One of the others in the party brought the kids back, a little late, but none the worse for wear. Well...except that [Kid 3] had a nice scrape on her face from a minor fall the first day. In happy news, she spent the entire weekend in fairly close proximity to a rather large dog (owned by her aunt and uncle) and seemed to be dealing with it well. Slow going, but we’re getting there.

Unfortunately, I’d cooked a huge supper (as I usually do on Sunday night), but because they were running so late, they’d picked up something and eaten it in the car on the way home. Netting me oodles of leftover chicken stir-fry and fried rice. Poor Nate. Relegated to leftover guy, once again.

On Monday, I went and talked to [Kid 3]'s teacher about some issues she's been having with scary ghost stories. Apparently, she's a little frightened of ghosts and some of the other kids, acting like kids do at that age, are taking the opportunity to take advantage of telling her much more horrific tales and insisting they are true. It's caused a great deal of fear from what are, effectively, terrorist mind games.

Anyway, the teacher said she'd be more attentive to the situation and we're hoping it helps. In all honestly, [Kid 3], who has begun to realize this is just something the other kids are doing to scare her, is rockin' some serious backbone these days. Not gonna let 'em work HER like that. That's my girl!!

Later in the afternoon, we met with a second periodontist about her impending gum graft. I like this guy FAR more than the first one we saw. The fact that my out of pocket cost to use him is about $125 less is just icing on the cake. (Although cake icing and dental procedures probably shouldn't be used together.) In any event, we have scheduled the procedure for next month and I'm hoping that it goes smoothly. D, in his infinite want to provide for these children has already put the money aside for the procedure and I'm very grateful for that. Primarily, as my ex is getting further and further behind in his financial responsibilities for them. (Anyone remember when I was thinking I just couldn't garnish his child support? How lucky I am that I didn't talk myself out of that one or I'd be in much worse shape now.)

Monday night we stayed up ENTIRELY too late playing, of all things, Scrabble. It was, without a doubt, the worst game of my life. I didn't draw a single vowel for five turns (including one turn in which I turned in letters for a redraw). This could have been due, in part, to the fact that both D and [Kid 2] were hoarding ALL vowels. Nate, in vast contrast, played out his entire tray on the first turn.

After far too little sleep, [Kid 2] and I set out the next morning for a campus tour of one of the colleges she is considering attending. The biggest of the three she wants to look at, we spent a couple hours walking the campus, looking at classrooms, dorm rooms, the magnificent library and workout facility, and then meeting with the recruiter for the College of Education there on campus. [Kid 2] wants to be a high school math teacher. She advised us on what needed to be done for [Kid 2] to be admitted in the program, gave us some ideas on financial aid options, some of the education options at that school, and some very eye-opening advice on things she needs to be doing between now and graduation.

It was an excellent trip, though. (A couple more are already in the works.) And I was delighted to share it the time with her. [Kid 1] was far more indecisive and is certainly not the plan ahead kinda gal. She's clearly happy where she is, but it was a struggle (all at the last minute, too) to get her started. [Kid 2] is doing it quite a bit differently. Funny how different they are as people. With my sociology background, it's always so very interesting to me.

The story is that D and [Kid 3] made chocolate chip cookies and then, with Nate in tow, all became Toys 'R Us kids in my absence. So they had a good day, too. And that's mostly worn off the boys by now. But not completely.

By Tuesday night, though I was pretty exhausted and had a pretty lazy evening spent primarily dozing. I really MUST learn how to operate a restful vacation day one day. In any event, that's the haps. Back to your regularly scheduled slack time...already in progress.

Taking Issue

2007-10-04T16:25:00.000-04:00

Mike Norton won't get the full field by next spring (and he's none too happy about it, either), but here is a quiz (sent to me by my 'publican office arch-nemesis) that will help you decide the candidate that best matches your views on the issues.

Imagine that. Voting by finding out where the candidates stand on the issues. What will we think of next?

Before taking the quiz, I had full-well believed that Obama was likely the best fit. However, after taking this quiz, I discovered there are THREE dems (Richardson, Kucinich, and Edwards...none of which I imagine will be on the ballot by the time I get to vote, let alone have the chance to succeed on a national level) ahead of him on "my list". Interesting.

I Need a Stiff Drink (and Martha)

2007-10-04T14:57:00.000-04:00

I suppose I should start this by mentioning that my middle daughter got her expander device installed in her mouth today. It's the precursor to her braces, the lower set of which will be installed in about six weeks.

But that's not what I'm on about.

(In my standard tangential style, time for a 'zing' to the left. Let me first note that what you are about to read is an entirely true story.)

What is wrong with this picture?

If you had to go to a second sheet for your list, you are right.

I realize it's been about a million years since I was in high school. And I realize that when I was in high school, the bathrooms were where the smokers and stoners hung out to keep from getting caught by The Man. (Which was stupid, because the vice-principal always knew right where to go to round them up. But, hey, wisdom comes slowly at that age.) And they were kinda dirty. But I didn't wanna spend a lot of time in there and didn't do a vast amount of clinical research. You know?

Anyway, my point is that I don't remember my high school bathroom being so nasty. And I mean NASTY. N.A.S.T.Y. (See how not just the "N" is capitalized?)

Today, when I went to pick up [Kid 2], I needed to use the ladies room. In hindsight, I should have used the bathroom at my office before I left work. But, by the time I got to her school I was performing the opening moves of the pee pee dance and knew I needed to take care of that, before we headed over to the orthodontist's office. (A mistake I will never again make, btw.)

I was delighted to see that the stalls in the girls bathroom had murals painted on them. An art class project, I'm sure, but they were whimsical scenes of woodlands and I thought it was darling. (The paper towel holders were painted to match.) Unfortunately, I believe it was all to distract me from the horror that was about to unfold before my eyes.

I went to the center stall and was annoyed to see what appeared to be cigarette ashes around the ENTIRE toilet seat. In my mind, I was thinking, "D'Uh! Of course they're smoking in the bathroom."

...and I moved on to the stall to the left. Which, coincidentally, had the exact same issue. Determined, I was, not to clean up cigarette ashes from these triflin' high school chicks, so I moved on to the next stall to the left...the last one in the row.

Guess what? Same issue. I mean they were almost identical. Not a few specs here or there, nearly the entire ring coated with ashes.

At that point, I figured I'd just have to clean one of them off, because I had to go. You know? But, ewwww!! The toilet in the last stall was stopped up with paper and there was balled up wads of it all over the floor, too. So, back next door I went.

Where I found a giant pubic hair at the front part of the toilet seat. My eyes rolled up into my head and I felt flush. So certain I was that I was going to fall over, I grabbed the door to the stall...just above the note about Tony Samuels and his unfortunate problem.

No. No. I could NOT clean this one up enough to use it. Back once more to the stall I'd originally viewed.

Not clean, but not horrifying, either.

It was then that I realized that it wasn't ashes on the seats, but burn marks. There had to be hundreds on each seat. GEEZ!!

I won't go into details about the acrobatics it took to actually USE the bathroom, but let me note that there was toilet paper in the stall. I'm sure some of you were thinking that was the next problem.

Two holes had been drilled through the wall and a heavy chain run through with two rolls of toilet paper strung on the chain. Ghetto, huh?

No. I am seriously not kidding about that. After the preceding, my sense of humor (and my nerves) were shot.

My goal was to get out of that bathroom as quickly as possible, but, knowing that Hepatitis B had to be crawling all over that place, I needed to wash my hands.

But, get this. The sinks were full of used paper towels. Because these lazy kids couldn't throw them in the trash can (though some of them did manage the floor toss) when they finished using them.

::sigh::

So, after removing a couple from the least loaded sink, ([Kid 2] was hysterical at this point, let me tell you)I turned the water on and literally gasped as brown water emerged from the faucet and flowed over my hands.

OMFG!!!!! My brain, if it had them, would have been screeching at the top of it's lungs.

I rinsed, quickly, in another sink. Dried my shaking hands and beat hell outta there.

Unbelievable. I gotta go sit down for a bit.

Obviously, this year's Christmas charity project will have to involve raising donations to get new toilet seats for my daughter's high school. Anybody get a discount at Home Depot?

Zombies (sort of) in the News

2007-10-02T11:28:00.000-04:00

See, I don't swim in water where creatures live. It's just ookie. I don't wanna feel a fish or kelp or some gigantic squid beast touching me (let alone biting my leg off above...or below...the knee). The very thought of it happening gives me a shiver.

I don't do a whole lotta pool swimming either, but that's more about opportunity, than the "ookie factor".

Reading this news story today, just reinforces the HELL outta my paranoia. And, really, I didn't need any help there.

JAWS was a trauma. The scene in STAND BY ME, where all the kids come out with leeches all over them, makes me weak. Even BLUE LAGOON, where Brooke Shields and Ricky Schroeder are swimming through the seaweed tenses me up.

I'm just glad swimming season is done. At least here. The rest of you...send me an address. I'm gonna be investing in a huge stock of noseplugs. Thankfully, it's off-season.

Somniloquy

2007-09-28T08:15:00.001-04:00

Oops, I did it again.

I don't have a vast history of it, but enough to make me believe claims when they surface.

Once, about 25 years ago, give or take, (sorry Dee, I realize I'm busting you here, too) a camping trip with my best friend took a weird turn when I awoke (well rested, as I recall) to find her huddled in a corner of the bed with blankets all heaped up around her. As anyone would, I inquired about what was going on, and she advised me that "ever since I'd notified her about the snakes in the floor," she'd gotten not another wink of sleep. Mortified that somehow they'd get us.

::blink:: ::blink::

"Huh?", I said, rubbing my bleary eyes, wondering what exactly she was going on about.

Had I known about any snake infestation, I, likely, would have shared her horror...and beat hell outta there. But I didn't recall any such conversation. Apparently, after some discussion, we determined that I'd been muttering in my sleep. She'd ignored most of it, but the word "snake" woke her right the fuck up. Frankly, I'm right there with her. Snakes creep me out big time.

She was kinda mad at me that next day. Despite numerous apologies. (Probably her lack of sleep made "cranky" the default setting anyway.) But, it didn't take long before it became an "in-joke" between us.

This morning, D asked me if I recalled waking up and having a conversation with him last night. Now he hasn't had what I'd call extensive experience with me sleep-talking to him, but let's just say he's not a 'virgin', either. 'K?

Apparently, last nights ramble was about someone eating dirt, and my concern with same.

Yeah, reread it if you want. It says exactly what you think it says.

I have no idea what it was about or who (other than a 'she', as reported by my hubby, or I wouldn't know that much). He wasn't able to shed much more light on it either. Which, come to think of it, is always strange to me. Not so much D, but anyone whose reported these incidents to me. I mean, hey, you remembered it enough to remind me about it the next morning, why couldn't you find out more at the time? Sheesh.

Without exception, I never remember anything about these incidents. Rarely, are they revealing (other than the part where I appear unmistakeably addled) or anything other than a nonsequitor. Luckily, my husband finds these middle of the night outbursts amusing. Oh, the slack I get from that man...

Stress, I understand, is the most common cause for this behavior. Given the rare and random nature of my experiences, that would seem to make some sense. Not that I'm terribly concerned, though. Nightshift quirky seems to somehow be expected...given the dayshift variety I'm already rockin'.

So, tell me, Gang, any of you guys Sleeptalkers?

Matthew Bolton?

2007-09-26T14:11:00.000-04:00

Is it me, or did this photo of Matthew McConaughey (from Yahoo today) look a little too much like Michael Bolton (that's circa 1980, btw) for comfort?

I think the curly hair is what got me. I'd never really thought about a resemblance before. But now I'm a little weirded out...and wondering why I hadn't noticed it...before, I mean.

I'd Like to Send a Dedication Out To a Great Bunch of People!

2007-09-26T14:07:00.000-04:00

Another birthday put to bed. But I know how you blog whores love to know the haps. So, here’s the scoop. Finally.

Let's rock a little "Shout Out" to those who deserve it...

To My Kiddies

I love you guys to pieces! I couldn't adore you more! I mean it!! That said, you older ones should try to help your youngest sister when selecting gifts for Mom. 'Cause naughty lingerie is almost always fun to get. But it's kinda freaky coming from your 7 year old daughter.

That said, I just wanna add that it was adorable that she wanted to empty her piggy bank to get it for me (and also adorable that 'D' insisted on sneaking the funds back in there afterwards...you guys are so cute!), and I'll cherish it! Also, it's really very pretty...BIG PLUS!!

[Kid 1], you really shouldn't have spent money on a gift for me! With things as tight for you as they are...and your lengthy list of artistic talents...I'm sure you coulda come up with something special for me. However, the cookbook was thoughtful and I adore you for loving me enough to forego an order of bacon cheesebread. I know what that means to you.

Lastly, [Kid 2], thanks for helping so much to make this one a very special...very memorable...birthday. I know you helped 'D' pick things out and get things ready. You are a doll, Sweetie and I'm the luckiest Mom evah...seriously!!

To My Ma, Pa and Sis

Thanks! Thanks for thinking of me! Thanks for buying me clothes, especially. 'Cause, yeah, forever later and I still have trouble spending money on myself. And sometimes, when you guys do it, I get a twinge of guilt...or two...

But the gifts were all thoughtful and I appreciate you always!!

To the Colletts

It was such a delightful surprise to find a birthday card from you guys in my mailbox! And such a sweet one!! You guys are the best!!

To My Ma and Pa Inlaw (heh...that rhymes)

Always nice to hear from you, but especially so on my birthday!! Thanks for the card and the phone call!! Love you!! (Have a nice trip and we'll catch you when you get home!!)

To Nate

Nate, you're a big pain in the...no wait...I'm just playing. You're very sweet and the dice and the Magic cards (which yielded some particularly fun stuff) are deeply appreciated. Now, quit cheating and let me beat ya, 'k?

To My Darling Hubby

(Were you starting to wonder if you were even gonna be on the list here?)

Hard to believe that you can still pull off firsts, but, of course, you manage it with aplomb. Never before has any man (who didn't share my DNA) baked me a cake. An actual cake. With decorations and candles and everything. Like you were TRYING to make it special...and everything... I hardly know what to say...but...it would start with "WOW" and end with "How incredibly lucky I am!"

The music (the new Daughtry CD and Kelly Clarkson's new one) and picture frames and candles and movie (HOT FUZZ) were all very thoughtful, and I love them, but...

the things I loved MOST about your gift

* were that you tried to recreate a "package" like you used to get (which, knowing how much they meant to you, is completely adorable)

* that you made me a handmade postcard to add to my collection (I only have one other...from my former brother-in-law, and I treasure it, too) with pictures of you and the girls on it and the sweetest sentiment about being in each others' lives. It was the most thoughtful gift, and I adore you for knowing how much I'd treasure that gift of your time and your talents.

* the flowers are always a romantic gesture and I adore you for finding it appropriate to give them more than once a year...and for remembering what kind (and what color) I like. You have no idea what a joy that is!!

* the ponies were an unexpected and most special reminder of a rather sweet time and you never cease to amaze me with your capacity to remember right where my heartstrings are. It floors me every time. And, by now, it shouldn't. But thank you for being the sentimental fool. I adore you for it.

Thanks, too to Mr. Norton and the Gibsons for sending birthday wishes, and for all the others out there who helped make my day (weekend, actually) a great time. 'ppreciate it...and all of you!!

Rebels, Beware!

2007-09-26T13:12:00.000-04:00

'Cause these, apparently, are "The New Rules"...

Got an email forward from a friend (you've heard me rail about them, so I'll spare you that nonsense now), and for some inexplicable reason, I opened it. Some of it was kinda funny...so I'm sharing it with you.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days --- mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged . I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky bastards.'

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keep sakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering My PIN number, pressing 'Enter,' verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want Cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up Is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you Spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN Recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait, they're already doing that. It's called 'The Howard Stern Show.'

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule:If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell If he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, Dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than Minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?'

Chuck..les...

2007-09-24T09:32:00.000-04:00

Ran across this funny video on You Tube and simply HAD to share it...

Outta Nowhere...

2007-09-21T05:41:00.000-04:00

Forty Five today.

::Groan::

Things That Make Me Punch My Monitor...

2007-09-19T16:43:00.000-04:00

Something tells me this guy is in for a few bad days.

Hopefully, about 40 years' worth.

I found this newstory today. I'd gone looking for it as [Kid 2] mentioned it to me yesterday evening. Prior to that, I'd heard nothing of it.

A few other tidbits I found elsewhere (that aren't included in that link) are that Atchison is a registered republican appointed as a Federal Prosecutor by George Bush in 2002, and has been a member of the Florida Bar Association since 1984. His wife is a science teacher at Gulf Breeze High School (in Gulf Breeze, FL), and he is president of the Gulf Breeze Sports Association, a youth athletics organization.

I'd love to spend this post focusing on how profoundly hypocritical republicans are and how deeply, deeply depraved and disturbed, as well.

But I can't.

I can't get beyond the part where a 53 yr. old married man, who is very familiar with the legal ramifications of such behavior, was brokering to have sex with a five year old girl. And the part where he purported that he was very experienced at it.

How many families have been damaged, or destroyed, by this man.

You think his own wife is at school this week? I hope, for their sakes, that his parents are no longer living. I have no idea if he has children, but what a horror for them if he does.

He's asked for a court-appointed attorney. I imagine he has money. I have to assume it's because he can't get anyone to represent him otherwise. As a federal prosecutor living in Florida for more than twenty years, wouldn't you think he'd know some attorneys?

I saw a few blog comments of folks offering their rusty knife, salt and a few months of time to take care of the fella. And another who felt the judge should order a prominently placed tattoo identifying Atchison to his fellow inmates as a serial child molester. Now, neither of those options, to the best of my knowledge, have legal precedence, but I cannot, for an instant, say that I have a problem with them being applied here. I struggle a little with the part where he didn't actually see (or touch) the five year old victim...I do...but I'm willing to work around that since I believe he actually would have. Plus, there's the part where he claims to have done it in the past. (I didn't say it was easy for me to skirt my issues with an actual injured party. I simply said I was WILLING to try.)

Raising a gaggle of girls, these stories are precisely the stuff of my nightmares. Not that I would be taking my girls to offer them to some predator, but that they would be hurt...and that I would be unable to stop it from happening. And it scares the poo right outta me. I mean it.

Even as I type it, I realize how ridiculous it is to say that it always surprises me how many of these pedophiles work around children. Because, OF COURSE, that's what they'd do. How can you trust your children to anyone's care? It seems such a crap shoot.

I keep thinking that if I can just get my girls raised, without them being in this situation, I will declare victory and retire from the field. But that's not quite right, is it? I mean, it's possible there will be grandchildren behind them. And even if I'm not worrying about grandchildren, I'll be worrying about the children of friends and family. Or, damn me, even stranger children.

It makes me long for some magic elixir that will make this stuff just stop.

Sexual variety is a good thing. I really truly believe that. And I don't think having the courts dictate sexuality is what we want. But, certainly, we can maintain that without dragging kids into it...can't we?

Can't we?

Things That Make Me Spit Mountain Dew on My Monitor...

2007-09-19T13:57:00.000-04:00

Sorry...I just thought that was hilarious. (Aren't you wishing I was gone again, now?)

It's About That Time Again...

2007-09-19T09:25:00.000-04:00

Happy 'Talk Like a Pirate Day!', Matey!

Seasonal Stuff

2007-09-18T12:34:00.000-04:00

...sorta...

I saw these photos today and had to share. If you are looking for Halloween costumes for your youngsters, look no further! (This post likely also qualifies as the "one for Tony Collett".)

Once you have resumed your composure (and have decided which costume best fits your child's personality), let me pass along the link which will allow you spend good money on this merchandise.

Sadly, there is no Boba Fett costume. A great disappointment in my own household...

The Good Ol' Days?

2007-09-18T12:13:00.001-04:00

Okay, so I saw this old clip today, and I had to share it with you. (Bless you, You Tube, for all your bountious gifts.)

Remember back in the fifties (some of you will have an easier time with this part than others, so help your neighbor if he's sportin' a blank expression), when folks used to do the craziest things? Dangerous things that would totally get you locked up some fifty plus years later? Oh, and let us not forget, you were bold enough to preserve the moment for all posterity?

Bizarre, huh? Well, because that wasn't disturbing enough, check this out...

Britney vs. Bin Laden

2007-09-18T07:50:00.000-04:00

I found this link (obviously a little late) and wanted to share.

I thought it was pretty funny. Unfortunately, just a week later, it would appear that O.J. is looking for equal time in this throw-down.

Other Things...

2007-09-17T17:25:00.000-04:00

File this one under "Miscellaneous". It's the leftovers.

The stuff that I wanted to blog about, but it's not really long enough to do a full post by itself. Come ramble with me.

I talked to my ex about the grocery issue at his place. I waited a full week to do it, because I specifically didn't want to lose my temper. So when he dropped them off, I walked him back out the porch and asked if he had a minute to discuss an issue about the kids.

"Sure," he said.

So I started slowly. I let him know that I'd been privy to a couple conversations that were of concern to me. That the children seemed to believe that there was an inadequate amount of food for them when they were at his house and that I wasn't sure if they'd said anything to him or if he was even aware of the issue.

He looked a little sheepish and said "I'll try to do better." I told him I wasn't trying to pick on him, that I'd fully expect that if he had information that I wasn't feeding the children enough that it was his responsibility to discuss the matter with me and to help rectify it. To which he replied, "Stop nagging me, I said I'd do better."

It was clear further discussion wasn't going to be fruitful, so I told him I hoped he understood that it was an issue I wasn't likely to let lie and left it at that.

Consequently, we're on wait and see mode.

Speaking of "nagging", [Kid 3] has been after me to get some kind of snack for her to take to school and share with her friends. I'd decided I would make some chocolate chip cookies for her to take in, but one thing led to another and this past Saturday was a...well...a bad day (a.k.a. careening trainwreck). I was pulled this way and that and had not a moment.

Anyway, her stepfather, ever sweet man that he is, took care of baking the cookies for her class whilst I was out running errands. She took them this morning, full of pride that D baked them for her and I hope she and her class thoroughly enjoyed them. (Having sampled the wares, I can tell you they were quite yummy!)

I spent the better part of yesterday in the kitchen cooking up a gigantic pot of homemade spaghetti sauce with meatballs and Italian sausage (enough for three full meals, plus leftovers), an apple cobbler and a Boston Cream Pie.

Nate, D and [Kid 2] headed out Friday night to a midnight movie at our local theatre. A big screen showing of TEAM AMERICA, that has all of them chuckling still. I'm glad they all had a good time. I had hoped that [Kid 1] might want to go along, but after work, she discovered some bad news about a friend that had her tied up on an emotional roller coaster for hours. She was definitely in no mood for something like TEAM AMERICA.

"House of Skank" (which is our name for Bret Michaels' 'Rock of Love') is down to the final two contestants. I had, honestly, intended just to watch the first episode to see what kind of women would be on this show. Believe it, or not, it's kind of Flavor Flav, but skankier. Hard to believe, huh?

Anyway, it's been rolling for weeks now and I've caught every episode. Mostly because of this evil, manipulative, lying bitch, named Lacey. And, well, if you HAVEN'T been watching along (and I'm hard pressed to figure out how much shame I need to have to look away), she got voted out last weekend.

To that I give a resounding and hearty YIPPEE!! I really am looking forward to the last episode next week...

but even moreso, to the first episode of the new season of HEROES next Monday!! Now, if that can hold me over until THE SHIELD starts its final season early next year, I should be okay. But I'm still waiting for the the DEADWOOD movies. Milch? Milch? Anybody? Anybody?

Have had some fun roleplaying in D's world with Nate and (occasionally) with my older girls. Still pretty green at it, but it's a lot of fun!

Other than that, hoping to get a couple small day trips lined up for October/November. Mostly to see the fall colors.

Most of the rest of my free time (::snort:: and ::guffaw::) is filled with Magic The Gathering and WAY too much time on GAIA (a website my kids frequent that has completely sucked me in!), although I got a little time in last night kickin' butt on a board game called 'Littlest Pet Shop'.

Okay, that's about all the rambling I can do today. Clearly, I've reached the legal limit anyway! Hoping things in all of your respective worlds are good...

*Lisa, enjoy the fall weather and best of luck finding something soon.
*Mark, I hope the new job works out better than the old one...or the one you passed on.
*Nate (who's rockin' it undercover these days), crossing my fingers for you tomorrow!!
*Mike N., my apologies for the chasm of silence between us. I haven't emailed in ages and sorely miss chatting with you.
*Em, let me know when you'll be in the states...and if there's any change in your plans that has you heading this way, I'll be delighted to put you up.
*Tony, hoping things for you and Kathy are going well.
*Darling D, I thoroughly enjoyed seeing the love in your eyes as you were watching the kids playing yesterday. Every day, I know how very lucky I am. Thank you for showing me in so many delightful ways! I love you!

Ugly Things...

2007-09-17T16:44:00.000-04:00

Evening Religious Education is starting up again for the year. My youngest, who is being raised as a Catholic (to follow in her father's footsteps), will begin her weekly indoctrination tomorrow. This is something I used to facilitate, but I no longer take the lead. I have left that responsibility to her father.

The Catholic.

After our split, I made it clear that while I wouldn't stand in the way of this education (I'd promised him long ago that I wouldn't and my word means something to me), I was not Catholic and if he wanted to raise his children in the church, it would be his responsibility to undertake that lead role. I would be supportive to my children as they set and reached goals, but I would not be attending meetings or transporting them to classes.

This year, there has been a change in the order of sacraments. Non-Catholics, feel free to go get a snack or something. This next part is boring as hell.

In the olden days, when my older girls were involved with this program, the order of the sacraments was as follow:

Second Grade = First Communion
Fourth Grade = First Reconciliation
Eighth Grade = Confirmation

Now, the only child I still have in the system is my second grader. So, I knew she'd be celebrating her First Communion this year. Which is a very big deal. (My sister found a great deal on a dress for her some time back, so it's been hanging in her closet for two years.)

However, this year, the archdiocese is trying to return to "Canon Law". And Canon Law (to give you the education I recently received), among other things, indicates that a child must have had their First Reconciliation (and confessed their sins) prior to receiving their First Communion. That'll be tricky, as she got no training last year and she's having First Communion this spring.

The Church's response is to restructure the program to allow first graders to receive the sacrament of First Reconciliation. That way, when they reach second grade, they'll be good to go.

Now, I have a problem believing that six year olds can adequately comprehend the concept of sin or atonement, but let's put that aside momentarily. Because the point, for those of you who are already ahead of me, is that my child did not receive the sacrament last year, and the way that is being addressed is that [Kid 3], along with four other second graders who are in similar straits at her church, will get the "fast and dirty" training for this sacrament. Jam-packed into 4-5 one hour sessions, these 6-7 year olds will learn everything they need to know about how to identify sin, how to try to avoid sin, how to ask forgiveness for sin, and how to atone for sins committed.

I'm not buying the feasibility. But, I've spoken with the education director for the church (a lovely woman, btw, who has always been very kind to me and my girls), and I've discussed my concerns with my ex and given the options (which all involve staying with the church), we've decided to move forward and if we run into any difficulties we'll decide if we need to choose another path at that time.

Part of the plan is that in addition to the sessions at the church, parents are to help reinforce appropriate behavior in the children and lessons such as taking responsibility for bad behaviors and making things right when those things do, inevitably, happen.

Because my ex simply would NOT resolve scheduling conflicts, I ended up having to attend a two hour parent meeting on First Reconciliation the other night, in order to have a ten minute conversation with the education director that could have completely been handled by my ex and then reported to me.

I don't know if it's that he is just so used to me handling these things, or if it's that he's a lost ball in high weeds, or what, but he truly does not see how unfair it is of him to expect me to relieve him of this responsibility. Because believe me, there were a million other things I needed to be doing that night.

Let's say that this hurdle has been, for the time being, handled. My job is to help teach my daughter right and wrong (gee, already on that one), and to recognize her bad behavior (ditto), and to try not to repeat the behavior (ditto...again, I guess), and to take steps to make things right (just barely breaching that one).

It's important to me that my children grow to be kind and charitable and honorable. So these are lessons I haven't been waiting around for the church to advise me to begin. But the reinforcement is fine.

Several days AFTER the parent meeting...where we spent two hours listening to bible verses about people making the effort to do the right thing and how we can teach our children the skills to help them...I got blindsided by the following...

When my ex dropped [Kid 2] and [Kid 3] the Sunday before last, I was cooking a big Sunday dinner and after seeing the mess he'd made with [Kid 1], I retreated to the kitchen before I opened my mouth and said something (true, but inappropriate) in front of the kids. [Kid 2] wandered back to the kitchen and whispered, "I need to talk to you about something as soon as Dad leaves."

::sigh::

Those things never go well. And, frankly, if it's something I need to discuss with him, I'd rather get it out now while he's still on the premises.

Apparently, with [Kid 2] and her boyfriend in the backseat, my ex was, on the way home from the family reunion, instructing my 7 year old that "it's okay to keep secrets from Mommy." That "it's not lying if she doesn't ask about something."

::BIG sigh::

This utter lack of responsible parenting was apparent to my 16 year old AND her boyfriend (who is clueless about things of this nature) to the point where THEY were concerned. But my 48 year old ex, who wants our children to be raised in the Catholic church, didn't see a thing wrong with it.

Well...

Until I brought to his attention how I didn't appreciate it and how I would never instruct our children to keep secrets from their father.

He often tells his wimmen about how I have "pitted his children against him". Poisoned them against him. He refuses to understand, or believe, that they are intelligent women and that they are not blind to his character flaws. That they know right from wrong and that they can make judgments on their own.

But, hey, it's not too low to tell your 7 year old that it's okay to keep secrets from Mommy. Nah.... Advising her, in a parental role, that it's okay to deliberately hide behaviors that she knows are wrong, rather than to admit the mistake, change the behavior and make things right. Clearly, it's another example of my unreasonable expectations.

THIS...this stuff that is damaging my children...is exactly the kind of stuff that will push me to go back to court and further reduce their time with him. It's not what I want to do. What I want is for him to be a better father to my children. It's just that more and more, it looks like that is less and less of a realistic option.

::sigh::

Worse Things...

2007-09-17T15:53:00.000-04:00

My ex's family had their "summer picnic" weekend before last. It's an annual event and it happened to coincide with when he had the younger two for a weekend visit this year. That's the younger two of our THREE children. We still have the older one, is the point I'm trying to make.

See, [Kid 3], now that she's 18, has slipped completely off her father's radar. He doesn't contribute towards her life insurance, her dental insurance, any of her school expenses, or anything else for that matter. All of which I find pretty sad, but worse, I asked her the other day if he ever calls to ask how she's doing with school or what's going on with her life and she looked at me as if I were speaking Chinese. "Um, no, Mom. He doesn't call and talk to me about anything."

Our resources are pretty limited, and I'm fighting a losing battle to try to get money I've been owed for over a year, but there is no way I can just abandon my child that way. I can't do as much as I'd like for her. But I split the cost of her first semester books with her, and I've bought every pencil and piece of paper she's used in college. I gave her $6 for a ticket to a play she needs to attend (an assignment for her Theatre Arts class) because (due to her terrible class schedule this semester) she's only able to get 6-10 hrs. of work. At $6.25/hr. (btw, that's including a $0.25/hr. raise she got a few weeks back), it doesn't amount to much. Especially since she needs to save enough to pay for her second semester books by January. I've helped out with snacks to carry to school, so she can keep some of her hard earned money out of the vending machines. And I continue to pay her life insurance and dental insurance because I think that's little enough cost to provide a safety net that could cost her far more not to have it.

I'm pretty sure, though, that even if I couldn't contribute at all financially, I'd be doing something...ANYthing...to try to encourage and support my child emotionally. Especially in an endeavor in which I am proud of her. Or even, you know, to acknowledge that I still claim her.

Now that tangent aside, let me note that, with regard to the "summer picnic", my ex did not even invite his eldest daughter. She found out about it, at all, when her two sisters returned from the event. Chatting about visiting with their cousins and seeing various family members, the look on her face was painful for me to watch.

She was so clearly disappointed that her father excluded her from their plans...that she wasn't given the opportunity to participate in a family event. I keep forgetting the depths of his insensitivity sometimes. Especially since I'm no longer with him.

But I hate to see it being worn on the faces of my children. I just don't understand how you can "forget" that you have three children. And I DEFINITELY don't understand how you can completely mark them off the list when they turn 18.

I will say this, though, my older girls TOTALLY see him for the man he is...and without any help from me. I just wish it were a prettier picture.

Bad Things...

2007-09-17T15:43:00.000-04:00

There's always some of these, huh?

Got a call last week from the Child Support Division regarding their attempts to reconcile the arrearage balance owed my kids by their father. My ex had been down to their offices to try to straighten out an error with the amount owed. He'd listed out some of the payments he'd made towards the balance, but failed to include all of them (he'd forgotten to note nearly $2000 in payments). Child Support was also wrong in their starting date for when the arrearages was to begin accruing. My ex wasn't able to clear that up either.

After two hours there, spent mostly with the Child Support counselor cautioning me about being overly generous (gee, like I haven't heard THAT a million places before) and me arguing that my ex and I had an agreement and I was a woman of my word, we were able to get our figures pretty close. He really couldn't believe, though, that I was refusing to take the full amount that I was entitled to take. (The main difference being medical amounts received that I'd applied towards support instead of breaking them out, as is standard.)

I'll admit, I was surprised to find that I haven't necessarily been receiving the full support (despite a garnishment order) since the court order was established. The arrearage balance I'd been working with was prior to official support beginning. I hadn't realized, however, that I needed to go back and check the amount of payments received electronically each month. Consequently, while I won't be looking at over $4000 (the amount the Child Support Division had believed owed), I will be looking at a few hundred dollars more than I thought I had coming. And that's certainly a nice surprise. Well, it will be if I can actually get it.

As I understand it, they will be recalculating the arrearages, with the corrected starting date and the payments I'd advised must be applied, and then my ex and I will be receiving an updated total to sign off on. He'll then be instructed to set up a monthly payment schedule and we'll go from there.

My big concern right now is not so much the arrearages he owes (which are still around $2000), but are more related to his portion of the medical reimbursements, which will top $800, due later this month. The last I heard, he wasn't sure he could make the payment, and, well, that's gonna kick off an entirely other mess. Which I'm deeply hoping to avoid.

I will say that I appreciate the Child Support Division being so helpful and diligent in trying to work towards helping the children in this city (and mine in particular). And I'm crossing my fingers that the finances get straightened out soon.

Good Things...

2007-09-17T15:38:00.000-04:00

The two younger kids ([Kid 1] had to work), D and I had a lovely time a few weeks back at a local state park. A family member had routed us a free pass and we packed a picnic and headed up. I had checked ahead of time (trying to make the most of the free pass) to see if any events would be going on that might be worth catching. A few, but the one that caught my eye was "BugFest".

Sure. I’m weird. Try to act surprised, huh?

[Kid 3] for some completely unexplainable reason has decided that she’s afraid of bugs. It’s a fairly recent thing, but I thought that kind of easing her back into the reality that bugs are gonna be around us and we have to be able to function with a little controlled environment nature might be a good thing. So I talked to her about it and she seemed to go for it.

There were several booths set up, geared towards educating kids, mostly, about the benefits bugs have to offer. One that had dress-up outfits (which is soooooo up her alley), so that she could dress up like a butterfly. Another that allowed her to draw a picture of a new bug that she would invent. One that had a giant floor puzzle to assemble that was a mass of many different bugs.

This was all set up outside and seemed to be of interest to her and she was enjoying herself. There was also a booth with a toad and a Madagascar hissing cockroach, which [Kid 2] found quite interesting. So, it wasn’t all about [Kid 3] (which sometimes seems to be a bit of a problem at my house). After some coaching and encouragement, she was brave enough to walk into the butterfly tent, with her older sister and quite a few other kids. But she was clearly uncomfortable and wanted back out as quickly as was possible. We were all very demonstrative in our praise for her bravery.

Obviously, we’ve got a ways to go on this issue, but the trip did seem to be a beneficial beginning.

D noticed a hay wagon nearby that was setting up for rides, so we all piled on and took a lovely ride around the park, before heading off to a quiet area for a picnic of tuna sandwiches and applesauce. ([Kid 2] was dealing with some sensitive dental issues and it was easier to just share her limited culinary repertoire.)

Afterwards, we drove to a playground in the park and as D pushed [Kid 3] on the swings, [Kid 2] and I did what we always do when we go to the park, rock out the seesaw. As each of us is "airborne", we strike goofy poses and try to crack each other up. Mental health is highly overrated...LOL!

We all had a pretty fun time, though, and the weather was absolutely lovely.

Things...

2007-09-17T14:55:00.000-04:00

I've got so many "things" I wanted to post on here in the last couple weeks. I've started to post so many times, but just didn't. And then the singular blog post just grew and grew and grew.

Until it became entirely unmanageable. No way it could reasonably be one blog post.

So, I decided I'd break it up a bit.

That way I could be as rambly as I wanted...on each topic.

So, there's a bunch of "things" coming up. I'll post them as I get them fleshed out.

Feel free to skip over or around them as is necessary. (Some are mushy and some are most assuredly venty.)

Death Watch Duty

2007-09-13T20:02:00.000-04:00

Usually Mark Gibson handles this stuff, but I saw this notice today (a little late in my reporting...apologies, gang) and wanted to do it myself.

I heard that Madeleine L'Engle died this week. It's been decades since I read A WRINKLE IN TIME, probably her most famous work.

Ironically, as I was reading this notice of her passing I was struck with the odd mental juxtaposition of it with the recent Harry Potter discussion on my hubby's delightful blog. One quote I've plucked from the piece...

Although L'Engle was often labeled a children's author, she disliked that classification. In a 1993 Associated Press interview, she said she did not write down to children.

"In my dreams, I never have an age," she said. "I never write for any age group in mind. ... When you underestimate your audience, you're cutting yourself off from your best work."

I wasn't familiar with that quote. Given recent discussions, I suppose it struck a chord for me. I'm not as familiar with her later work, but would certainly recommend this book for anyone who has missed it heretofore.

Just passing along the sad news...to her fans of any age.

THIS Is How It Rolls At My Office

2007-09-13T19:35:00.000-04:00

So my one boss (the more geeky of the two), comes back to work in the studio about two desks away from me. I'm working fast and furious on some shop drawings for some gymnasium equipment (backboards to be specific) which are screwed up ROYALLY, whilst waiting for one of the new guys to finish setting up some Power Point slides for a presentation tomorrow morning. Once he finished, I knew I needed to review the presentation and see what changes, if any, needed to be made, so I was trying to be productive while I was waiting for him to finish up...and...well...there's always an inexhaustible supply of shop drawings...

So, anyway, I'm marking the hell out of these shop drawings and completely ignoring my boss and he says, from over there in left field, "So I'd guess you're a Monty Python fan, huh?". Only the fans on the A/C units were blowing pretty loud and I couldn't make any sense out of what was coming out of his mouth. It took a minute, and a repeat from him, but I eventually got it.

"Oh, yeah," I said, "I guess it shows, huh? In fact, everyone in my house is."

He kinda laughed and said, "Yeah, I figured as much. Star Trek, too, right?"

"Uh, huh...", I said a little nervously, and with one eyebrow raised suspiciously. 'Cause, maybe this information is why I haven't had a raise in forever. I don't know. Like, maybe, IT'S A TRAP!!!

Anyway, he proceeds with "I got this link from my brother-in-law that you just gotta see. I'll have to send it to you, 'cause I know you'd love it." And he continues to babble without letting me get a word in until he finally says, "You know what, I'm gonna go back to my office and send it to you right now."

O. Kay.

'Cause, there's not a million things going on that are more important than Star Trek and Monty Python. (Hey, I don't think that. I just figured that's Management mind controlling me.) Whatever.

So, he goes back to the other side of the building and sends me an email forward that he got from his brother-in-law.

A You Tube video. (Y'all know how I dig on the You Tube.) (And, yeah, I said 'Y'All'. Deal with it.)

So he's all giggly and dancing around my desk. "You have speakers, right? Or at least sound. You gotta have sound."

"Yeah, I've got sound."

"Well turn it ALL the way up. You really need to be able to hear it." (As, apparently, so does everyone else in the studio, be they a Monty Python fan or not...wait, who cares about them if they're not?)

So, then, I open the link and get this...

Okay, I thought it was funny, but he was doubled over laughing behind me as I watched it.

Knowing you guys...you'll be right there with him...

That's right. Two weeks of no posting and THIS is what you get. Oh, the humanity...

Dusting Off My Skates...

2007-08-31T21:52:00.000-04:00

The lightning pace and technological limitations (five and a half people sharing the internet on one computer requires much patience and sacrifice) have made blogging lately even more of an indulgence than it used to be. Which, you know, is likely a lucky stroke for most of you. Nobody likes it when I dig the skates out of the closet.

But as I've been pretty aggravated this week, and as Bunnyman and new River City resident AaA are pleading silently with their eyes for a break, I've come here to ~~lace up~~...er...unload. Seems like that's all I ever do here anymore. (Which actually bothers me, too.) I keep thinking once things in my life calm down, I can get back to talking about politics or current events or funny anecdotes. But I'm just not close to that place in my life. Events of this week haven't moved me much closer, either.

Let me start by clearing the air on a few things. Things that I've always assumed were pretty obvious. I'm not a fancy person. (Which is NOT to say that I'm not cool OR classy. 'Cause I'm both of those!) Certainly, I could appreciate some extravagances in my world, but I don't have to have them. I don't pine for them. Never. I don't need a big house or a new car. I don't need expensive jewelry or big trips. Like most out there, I guess, I've gone without so that my children could have what they need. But I certainly don't feel like I'm lacking anything.

I guess I really don't think about it much, because I simply don't feel resentful because I don't have what others have. I'm just not competitive that way. I have a roof over my head. I have food in my belly. I have children who are happy and healthy and whom I love more than life (and, yippee, that's vice versa). I have a husband who means the world to me and who makes me believe that I mean the world to him, and we both have our health. I don't want for more. Truly. Now, I'm not saying I don't think about what I'd do with lottery winnings, or that I don't wish that I could do more for my children, or things like that. I look around and see so many people who don't have what I have. How could I possibly feel it to be inadequate?

My ex (don't you hate it when I start that way) has, in the past, during child support negotiations, indicated that if I were to get the standard amount of child support he would be unable to provide for our children. Specifically, that he'd be unable to buy groceries for them. A tactic to get me to relieve him of his legal share of the support of our children...on my smaller salary, no less. But let's not forget that I'm the one in this situation who is manipulative. I am the one who uses the children. Or at least that's the way he likes to tell it. He would never be that way.

I explained to him then, that if he could not afford to adequately care for these children, I would volunteer to have them with me more of the time in order to insure that they were fed and appropriately cared for. My offer did nothing but make him angry, as it was clearly my place to manage his finances to make this equation work for him. Except, the way he wanted me to do this was to make things tighter in my budget so that he wouldn't have to make any adjustments in his own household. I was simply being unfair.

He came to figure out a way to make it work at his house and, as that is entirely his business, I haven't once worried about this again.

Until last weekend.

Last weekend, I happened to overhear a conversation between my [Kid 1] and Nate. They were simply chatting about things in her life and I wasn't really paying that much attention, as I was goofing around on the computer. Until I heard the following, which stopped me short...

"...I often have to skip lunch when I'm at my dad's so that there is food enough for my sisters to eat."

I immediately stopped what I was doing. And, much as it was probably rude to insert myself into their conversation, well, there wasn't much chance that I wouldn't be doing just that. When I asked for clarification, I was then made aware of this gem, too...

"when we tell dad we need more food in the house, he brings one can of soup and one pack of ramen noodles and says 'This should be enough for a couple days.'..."

...for three kids, two of whom are teenagers.

I could feel my face heating up. My heart sank, thinking that my kids were having to deal with these conditions. I was furious thinking that he was making such inadequate financial decisions that had my children going without basic necessities.

A conversation with [Kid 3] weeks earlier about a lack of toilet paper (which I'd just blown off and attributed to a singular episode of poor planning) came back to me. Another where she'd mentioned (while we were shopping) that she wanted to set up a booth at her dad's and sell food in the yard, but that I had to buy the ingredients because dad couldn't. I'd blown that one off as being a matter of simply being at the grocery store at that moment. And then the flashback to when I dropped them off earlier that afternoon, when he'd told me that he was waiting for his sister to come help him with an inoperative vehicle, and that he may need my help as he had no food in the house. (I never got a call, so I never gave it another thought.)

Later on Saturday, [Kid 3] called to tell me that her dad had bought her a cd she'd been wanting badly. "And he paid FIFTEEN BUCKS for it, too!!", she'd squealed. I was happy for her...hard not to be...but couldn't help but think about how much canned soup and ramen noodles fifteen bucks would buy.

It would have done no good for me to have broached the subject with my ex at that point. I would have never been able to have discussed the issue calmly. Hell, it's been days and days and the possibility is still pretty iffy.

On Monday, I happened to get off work early and got to see [Kid 2]. She comes to our place after school (her dad picks her up there when he gets off work during his week with them). She was starvy...which is NOT unusual for my kids at all...and she asked if she could have something to eat. I pshawed her and told her of course she could have anything she wanted to eat.

"All Dad has to eat at his house is a package of cookies, a jar of mayonnaise, some lunchmeat and a loaf of bread."

Holding my tongue is getting harder and harder, I tell you. A discussion of how to let her dad know she needs more yields the information that she feels guilty asking him to spend money on food when she knows he is overextended. Which is great, you know. My kids are put in the position of having inadequate nourishment and are feeling guilty about the situation. It's a two-fer! Physical and mental discomfort.

Oh, and apparently, her boyfriend is aggravated about the situation (which is not my biggest concern, but it's clear that others see the absurdity here, too). Apparently, she's not eating a lunch while at her dad's. Why? Because...you know...there isn't any.

Tuesday afternoon, [Kid 2] got spacers put on her teeth. For the uninitiated, it's the precursor to an expander that is being installed in the roof of her mouth in the next few weeks. I met her and her dad at the orthodontist and brought her back to our place afterwards, so she could hang out until her dad finished work.

Before I could call to check on her before bed, she called to let me know she was having some difficulty. She was in some pain and was asking what she could eat for dinner. This was at 8:30 at night.

She was miserable and complained that there was nothing at her dad's house that she could eat. Her voice sounded so pitiful. It was breaking my heart. I offered to go get her something and bring it to her, but she indicated that her dad was going to do it. She was merely looking for suggestions of what she could eat with little or no chewing. I listed a few items and talked to her a little bit. And then worried about her all night.

Worried about both of my younger girls, actually. I've had a full week of that.

It's so frustrating to think that he doesn't see that his financial decisions have put such hardship on the backs of his children. It's not my business how he lives or how he spends his money. But it is my business when my children are not being fed when they are with him. I don't believe this is done maliciously. More that he doesn't realize the impact that his lifestyle choices are having on his children...and maybe that he doesn't know how to fix the situation. It's not advice I can offer, because he simply doesn't want advice from me these days.

Subsequent conversations this week with both [Kid 2] and [Kid 3] have made it clear that after Tuesday night, food enough to finish out the week made it to that house. By whatever means. So, I've tried, very hard, to calm down. To believe that they will be okay until they are back with me. And to remember that THAT is the most important thing in the short run.

I'm going to talk to him about all of this tomorrow. I'm sure the upshot of the conversation will be that it's somehow my fault. Either because I've spoiled the kids by allowing them a skirt to hide under when their lives are difficult, or because I've upset him by writing the truth about him on my blog, or because I've twisted their minds against him. But he needs to know this. And with the very limited communication between them, they don't feel they can talk to him about the hard things.

But I'm hoping that instead of buying baubles and googaws, he'll realize that perhaps that money should be spent on food, as his children are going hungry when they are with him. And that somehow...some...how...he'll take the steps he needs to take to make sure that changes. Quickly. Because this is not something I am going to overlook for very long. You can trust me on that.

Link-ies

2007-08-12T11:10:00.000-04:00

While finishing up the previous post, I ran across a couple of random links I wanted to share.

So, what if Tom Hanks had opened up one of these in one of those Fed-Ex boxes he opend in CASTAWAY? I'll bet he'd have been pretty pissed at himself for waiting so long to open the damned boxes. I know I wouldn't mind one right about now.

Having already lived through the "real deal", I found this parenthood preparation test pretty hysterical.

Personally, I don't need an ad campaign to get me in the mood for this idea was kinda funny...and seems like it should have been obvious long before now.

As a Skunk Baxter fan (from both Steely Dan AND the Doobie Brothers), I was surprised I hadn't heard about this new turn for him. Pretty cool.

88 Monty Python "mini-films" (we call them skits, but okay, whatever) all in one place. You may all thank me later.

While trippin' around the 'net, I ran across this list of the Top Ten Supervillain Costumes of All Time. Knowing how many regular readers are comics fans, I wanted to pass it along for your perusal. I'm sure your mileage will vary.

A brief article on the Politics of Harry Potter.

All right, that's all you get for now. A CRAZY week coming up for me will probably have this site suffering for it. I've got three big presentations at work this week (one is a busy week for me), the first day of school for two of my three kiddos, Nate is getting in mid-week, and a party next Saturday (which means cooking, baking and cleaning). Take care, Gang! I'll see you on the other side, k?...well...a few of you before that...;)

Been Awhile...

2007-08-12T10:10:00.000-04:00

Since I did a You Tube Post. Saw something that started me down this path today and wanted to share it. Sound really isn't necessary for the first one...

It was this video from Japanese tv about an Indian rollerskating girl.

And then there was this 1957 German stocking ad...

You are aware that season two has started. Right?

One for my Sweetheart...

Pinky the Cat has a grudge against Thomas Edison.

And, well, I can't talk about Pinky the Cat AT ALL without including this clip. The first time I saw it (probably ten years ago), it was indelibly etched on my brain. Just hearing the words "Pinky the Cat" put this picture (or, more accurately, series of pictures) in my head.

My kids think this (longish) video is pretty funny. I just think it's weird.

Lastly, the one for Tony Collett...(you knew it was coming).

Mr. & Mrs. Crack Me Up

2007-08-08T10:10:00.000-04:00

I used to love to read the wedding announcements in the Sunday paper. Looking for gems just like this one

.

Whew...let me compose myself long enough to pass along a link to this site...where you'll find more of the same!

The Simpsons Ultimatum

2007-08-04T09:38:00.000-04:00

In between all the drama yesterday, my hubby and I had a "Date Day". The younger kids are with their dad this week, so, given my half day Fridays, gave us an opportunity to spend some alone time together. We'd both been wanting to see THE SIMPSONS MOVIE, plus THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM was opening and we both had an interest there.

The original plan was to see a movie and go out to eat. But I couldn't make up my mind on the movie. I tried. Really, I did. But I just couldn't. My mind began formulating a plan, even before I'd considered the absurdity of it. Why couldn't we see BOTH movies? If we could work out two matinees, the price would be more realistic. But could we really do that? Wouldn't that be ostentatious? And was it a double-billing that just wouldn't work anyway?

I'd never done anything like it before. It seemed too big a dream.

I began to look at the logistics of it all. Could it be pulled off? And if so, could I be the one to pull it off? It didn't seem likely.

Our neighborhood theatre was showing both films, but the closest to a back-to-back experience I could get, and keep both shows in the "matinee price range" was with a two hour gap in the middle. Well, we could use that time to go out and grab and early dinner, but that wasn't the way I wanted the experience.

I nearly gave up at that point. Feeling defeated, I began trying to choose between the movies. But who could do that? Chocolate or vanilla? Damn it! I wanted BOTH!!

River City is a big town, with many moviehouses. Friday morning I looked at the schedule for the next closest one and found a set up that would allow us to see THE SIMPSONS MOVIE a mere 20 minutes after THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM had ended. Both as matinees. I hadn't really worried overly about the order, but (especially in hindsight) I likely would have rather seen THE SIMPSON MOVIE first.

In any event, we pulled it off. Even with THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM starting late and running a staggering amount of trailers. I'm happy to have had the experience and happy to report that I really enjoyed both movies.

My husband will tell you that he enjoyed the second show more than the first, but I felt just the opposite.

BOURNE really doesn't disappoint in the action department. Incredible car chases and fight scenes (one of which, I'll admit, looks choreographed) keep you on the edge of your seat. Matt Damon delivers, once again, and while I still think the first movie in this franchise is the best, it was a great deal of fun.

After the intensity of the first movie, THE SIMPSONS MOVIE didn't mesh quite as well for me. It was funny and there was certainly an abundance of classic Simpsons' behavior. Bart and Homer's dysfunctional relationship, Burns' heartless, self-serving nature, and how each resident of Springfield remains so true to character in reacting to a crisis. Just that it may have been too significant a jarring between the two styles.

In any event, I really did enjoy them both and am delighted to have had the experience of seeing two shows, back to back.

On the way home, we decided to pick up some Chinese carryout, as opposed to a sit-down somewhere. It worked out well, as I'd picked up [Kid 3]'s favorite stuff, too. We'd barely gotten in the door, when she showed up (having been cut loose from work early).

Not long after, [Kid 3] took off, having made some plans with a friend, leaving the old folks to entertain each other. Much Magic The Gathering ensued, as we mulled over a grocery list/menu for the week and talked off plans for welcoming a new resident to River City.

Today will hold grocery shopping and housework, as the kids come home from my ex's tomorrow evening (due to a small modification to the regular schedule), but all in all it should be a pretty quiet weekend.

Hope you guys all have a good one!!

Rooby Rooby Roo!

2007-08-03T09:11:00.000-04:00

Last weekend, D and I received a mystery package in the mail. It was postmarked from Indiana, but it had no name on it, nor note inside it.

I know what you're thinking. Coulda been anthrax or anything! Don't Open It!!

But, hey, you know that D is a sucker for packages. So we alerted the bomb squad...and then we opened it.

Inside, we found the DVD pictured here.

Some years ago, I had the opportunity to see CONTINENTAL DIVIDE at the theatre. I never thought it was a great film, but I did enjoy it quite a bit. I admit, John Belushi made me laugh. Of course, it was college days and the liquor coulda had something to do with it. But I don't think so.

Some months ago, the film happened to show up on one of the pay cable stations and I watched it with D. I'd presumed that he'd never seen it before and it had been years since I had. As I had fond memories of it, I'd wanted to share it with him. (I later found out that he'd seen it before...ahhh Cinema Board stories...and that it happened to be one of his friend, Jeff Webb's, favorites.) It suffered a little...some twenty years later...but the sentimentality I felt (and still feel) for the film keeps it on my list of movies I enjoy watching. And I still feel that it's one of Belushi's best roles.

Ernie Souchak is a curmudgeon, and who doesn't love a good Curmudgeon Who Gets Redeemed film? Plus, also, I like Blair Brown. She's a classic girl next door. She's pretty without being artificially so. And she nearly always plays smart, classy chicks.

I didn't even remember mentioning it...or listing it on our wedding registry...but I after erroneously thanking the Collett's (they are usually the culprits behind this stuff) and finding out that they didn't do it, I started backtracking. And eventually, once I'd oiled the right gears in my head, I sorted through the clues to this particular mystery and the answer came back...Gibsons.

So I shot them a note that was kinda like..."Ha Ha! Colonel Mustard in the study with a candlestick! So There!!"...and they were like, "Drats!!" (and then I could totally see Mark doing a Muttley laugh...which, when I'm laughing really hard, I kinda do...yeah more info than you needed, huh?).

I've put a proper "Thank You" in the mail, but wanted to share our thanks with them here publicly. You guys are good friends and we deeply appreciate that. Thanks to Tony for setting me straight on this, too.

Come on, Scooby. Let's go solve the next mystery!

All About the Honor

2007-08-03T08:47:00.000-04:00

Not a Flashback Friday! (though my mind has been working it's way there recently), but recommendations from a couple of you to get this outta my system here haven't fallen on deaf ears. If nothing else, it's closure for me. And, hey, that's just one of the many things that these here blogs are for, right? Let's away, shall we?

My parents both came from families that had their problems. My maternal grandmother (who is likely one of the most generous and real human beings I have ever met in my life) had a penchant for bad boys. It made her life more difficult than it needed to be. But she was who she was. She owned it. And she did so without ever letting go of who she was. And that “who she was” was a pretty remarkable woman.

My Dad’s family wasn’t without problems. As the oldest of nine children, my dad watched (and sometimes became involved) in sibling disputes that have spanned decades. It’s all about the “honor” with these guys.

Factored in there, somewhere, there's all kinds of random stuff, too. Apparently, I got the mixed bag.

I like who I am…most of the time, anyway…and I cling to it. And personal integrity is something I value not only in myself, but in everyone around me. Nothing would please me more than to see my daughters grow to womanhood seeing the value of those lessons. Lessons like the importance of doing the right thing (even if it’s not the easy thing or the best thing for you). Lessons like being trustworthy. Lessons like bringing out the “shovel” (a reference only my beloved will get) only after you’ve exhausted all other options. Lessons like earning respect by having character.

Not everyone lives their life with personal integrity. It’s simply not important to some people (which I find most ironic in people who claim to live their lives in response to biblical teachings). I totally get that. Me? I choose not to spend time with people I cannot trust. It’s not that I feel morally superior (though that may be more of a factor than I’d like to admit), it’s just that I feel I’m wasting my time on people I will be unable to respect. And I would much rather spend my finite time on this plain with people I can and do respect.

Now, none of that is to say that I do not have the capacity to forgive and forget. I do. (I gotta believe that 20 years with my ex will give me some cred in that department.) But, like with my ex, I’m not gonna keep turning the other cheek indefinitely. Lying and disrespecting me over and over and over is gonna turn those bridges to cinders. And being in construction, I can tell you that we rarely, if ever, use cinders as building materials. Cinders simply cannot be rebuilt once it gets to that point. It’s best to move on to a new site, and start from scratch.

I say all of this, because of recent events I feel obligated to share. Buckle up.

The end of this past June, I received the following email from the woman my ex broke up with some months prior.

Hi “T”...
I just read your post today. I am sorry about all your money struggles. I am having the same problem with my ex-husband and most likely will have to take him to court to get it all worked out. [2] and [3] are both great girls and I would hate to see them not get the dental work that they need. We are experiencing something like that here, only in the vision department.

Anyway, it seems as if it bothers you greatly that I read your blog. You are simply on my blog list and I routinely check them all to see what everyone has written. If it bothers you that much, I can take you off my list. And “D”, too. I mostly check your blogs to see how the girls are doing. I don't talk to "M" [Editor's note: my ex husband] anymore and he hardly ever posts anything on his. But I do like reading about the girls. I spent a lot of time with them, and sometimes I miss being a part of their lives. I do know that [R] (her daughter) keeps in touch with [2] and [1], which is fine with me. I think [R] and [S] (her oldest son…his initial is not “S”, but rather than duplicate he will be for the purpose of this post. Deal.) said they would love to get together with the girls sometime, but if they did, I would rather it be when they are with you. I am not comfortable interacting with "M". Anyway, if you have taken the time to read this, let me know what you think.

“J”

PS. I do not equate good parenting with being able to drive. My ex can drive, which proves my point right there. (smile) I think “D”, in his own unique way, is a good stepdad to the girls.

Have a good week, and good luck with the money issues.

Now, I gotta stop and interject. Gotta. Sorry. This message came to an account that I don’t check regularly anymore…from an address that I had never seen before. (I note that because I have previously blocked not one, but two, email addresses from this person…so she clearly considers my doing so a challenge…um, can you say “stalker behavior”?...I knew you could.) Interesting to me that she would state that she was uncomfortable interacting with my ex. I had, only days before, noted to my ex that she was still “stalking my blog”. He lowered his eyes and shook his head, and then he indicated that he understood completely because he was having “similar issues”. (Keep this point in mind, though, because while she was uncomfortable interacting with him on this day…well…she got over it nearly immediately.) And, you know, it's not like it's the first time she'd indicated that she wouldn't read my blog anymore.

Lastly, SHE was the one who indicated that a person had to drive to be a good parent, and seems to have completely forgotten that she was the one spouting that rubbish from her soapbox. Or, I don’t know, maybe this is classic political flip-flop. Whatever it is, I can tell you that it’s NOT personal integrity. Not even close.

It took me several days to formulate a response to her note, as I know that her kids and our kids do, indeed, enjoy each others’ company. The children of J’s that I have met, appear to be pretty good kids. So, I don’t have an issue with my kids spending time with them. But because, I would rather they didn’t spend time with J, and because my children have confessed to me that they are uncomfortable spending time with J, I talked to them and came up with a plan I thought would work for all of us. Consequently, I sent back the following note.

J -

I have thought long and hard about your email and while I do not plan to address all the points in your original note (for obvious reasons), I will address those that pertain to my children.

I've talked to the kids and mulled over the situation. After talking with the two older girls, [1] and [2] would like to spend some time with [R] and [S]. They'd like to go [Visiting the Establishments in Our Neighborhood] with them, if that is acceptable to them, and to you. Obviously, the relationships between the adults involved make things a little complicated, but I would like to propose that you drop [R] and [S] off at [A Well Known Local Coffee Shop] (they have tables outside where the kids could meet) up at the corner of [our street], and that [1] and [2] could walk up from our house and meet them there. The pick up (a few hours later) could be handled similarly, with [1] and [2] walking home and you coming back to pick your kids up shortly thereafter.

This will eliminate friction between the adults. This also allows all the kids the opportunity to meet without having to deal with any parents from either side being present. [1] and [2] are most comfortable with this option, and I hope, as this is being done for the kids, you and your children can respect that.

I've asked the girls not to mention this meeting at all to [3], as she is only going to want similar privileges with [A] (the youngest son), and that isn't nearly as simple, as we can hardly leave young children unattended. [3] seems to have achieved some closure as regards her relationship with you and with [A], and the uncertainty surrounding any kind of continuing relationship for her in this regard cause me to opt to preserve that sense of closure and try to protect her from further unnecessary and unhealthy emotional upset.

Therefore, after a great deal of thought, this seems to me to be the best way to go forward with this. If this is agreeable to you, [S], and [R], then let me know. As much notice as possible would be helpful, and please let's confine this discussion to email.

In the future, I think both our sets of older kids are capable of initiating and formulating plans to socialize, and will only need to involve parental authority as concerns permission and transportation details.

T

My intention was to allow these four children the opportunity to spend some time together without the stress of the grown-up issues. I thought it was a way to put aside any issues between J and I, so that the kids in this equation (who'd formed a friendship) wouldn't have to be caught up in the drama. It would have been far easier to say "no" and "don't contact me ever again"...again...but, as usual, I was trying to do what I thought was best for the kids. In this case, all the kids. The response I got back was this…

Hi T,
I am glad you answered. It gives me the chance to clear something up with you. When I wrote to you on June 26, I was not talking to "M". But when I wrote to you, it caused me to think about my situation with "M" and I decided to send him an e-mail as well. He responded with a phone call, and we have been talking off and on since. He told me you asked him if we were talking and when he said yes, you responded that you knew "she was lying". I wasn't lying. After I contacted you about the kids, shortly after that "M" and I began talking again. Sorry about the confusion. I do think it will still be easier to plan things when the kids are with you, since they are there much more of the time.

As for your arrangement with the kids, that sounds good. I agree with leaving [3] and [A] out of it. And I won't call the house. Unfortunately, [S] is in two plays right now as well as working so I don't know how soon they will be able to coordinate schedules. Maybe [R] and the girls can work something out. [R] has much more free time than [S], since being 15 she can only work 18 hours a week. And you're right, I think all 4 of them are more than capable of arranging their own social calendars, but I don't think any of them wanted to initiate anything since none of the adults were in contact.

Both [S] and [R] are at work right now, so I will talk it over with them and get their schedules and then we will go from there, if that's okay with you.

And I hope you've noticed from your statcounter, I have stopped reading your blog and D's as you requested. I have deleted the links from my blog list. I would imagine you're not interested, but if you ever should be, you are welcome to read mine. Or if you ever have a question about anything with the kids, please feel free to e-mail or call.

I know you don't like me and apparently don't trust me, but I would like to find a way to apologize for everything in the past and move on, to being civil face-to-face or if possible, friendly. Whatever you think of me, I would love for all of us to be able to get together and let the kids hang out someday.

Again, thanks for e-mailing.

J

Where do I begin? Okay, first, let me note that when I spoke to my ex about the email I’d initially received, he noted he had recently begun speaking with her again. I said she was “lying” to me about being uncomfortable with him…not about not having spoken to him (though that’s more likely his miscommunication). Clearly, she got over the comfort issues, as soon as she’d sent me the note. I’m thinking the issues weren’t as significant as I was led to believe.

Next, she appeared to agree with the arrangements I’d proposed regarding the kids. Wouldn’t you think? I mean, she said, “that sounds good”. I’m taking that to mean that she doesn’t have a problem with them.

For the record, I had noticed from my statcounter that she’d stopped reading my blog. I think D noticed a similar trend at the time…which was July 8th. As you’ll see, that appeared to be part of a limited time offer...though I must have missed that part. Doubtless it was in the fine print at the bottom of the screen, or something.

Lastly, I’m not looking for an apology from J. While I’ll acknowledge that she has mountains of bad behavior for which she owes me an apology, I’m taking the “move on” option and since she is no longer my ex’s current girlfriend, we don’t have to interact. Not even at the minute level we used to have to interact. And that makes the rest of it moot. Further, an apology (or anything else, really) from someone whose word is worthless, simply has no value. I'm not going to mislead anyone, or waste the time pretending it does.

So then, neither the kids, nor I, heard anything back, regarding these tentative plans, for over a week. I asked my kids if they’d heard anything from [R] and they said they had not. [1], in fact, indicated that she’d had an IM conversation with [R] and that [R] had been indicating that she’d really like to get together and do some [Visiting The Establishments in Our Neighborhood]. I just didn’t get why this had been started and then dropped.

And then, nine days later, this shows up in my inbox…

T,
"M" ordered [1] a copy of the latest Harry Potter book, which comes out at midnight this Friday, through me at a bookstore in New Albany. I would like to get it to her this weekend, but "M" will be out of town.

Would it be possible for us to arrange to meet [1] and/or [2] to get the book to her? If she will be working this weekend, I would be happy to drop it by there.

Just let me know what you think will work best.

J

No mention of tentative plans she’d set in motion nearly a month prior. Plus, this book that was a gift from my ex…wasn’t at the top of M’s list of important stuff to arrange before he left town for his vacation. He’d neither mentioned making any arrangements with me or nor with [1]. But, yeah, being a Potterphile (I’m totally stealing that, Mr. G), I knew she’d be anxious to get her hands on it. So, I decided to reintroduce the option J had brought to me in the first place.

J -
I had expected to hear back from you regarding [R]'s schedule and the possibility of [S] and [R] spending some time with [1] and [2], but have not seen anything back from you. [1] advises me, today, that [R] was lamenting about going [Visiting Establishments in our Neighborhood] with her recently. Have you decided against this for some reason?

Is it possible that "M"'s gift to [1] could be delivered by [R] and [S], if they could get together this weekend? [1] and [2] both have some availability on Sunday, if that would work with your kids.

Let me know.

T

And so, on the Wednesday prior, this is what I got back. It was the last correspondence between us.

T,
I apologize for the delay. As you know, I had [R] call [2] and talk through plans for Sunday. No, I didn't change my mind. I have been sick for the past week or more and have just recently gotten back into the complete swing of things.

Anyway, I will drop [R] and the book (not sure about [S] - his play schedule may conflict) at [the coffee shop] at 5.

J

Would you make the leap that the plan was on as originally discussed? Would you take this woman at her word? Would you believe that, even though you hadn’t wanted to hurt her feelings unnecessarily, by telling her that she makes your children uncomfortable and that both you and a licensed professional feel it's not in their best interest for them to spend time with this person, you wouldn't have to get into any of that anyway?

Well, if you're me, you'd make that mistake...again. And, like me, you’d be wrong. And, by now, you ought to know better.

That following Sunday, which happened to be the 22nd of July (that date will factor in shortly, just jot it down somewhere), I had my kids intentionally wait to leave the house so that J would have time to drop her kids off and be gone by the time my girls got there. Guess what, she was sitting at the table out front of the coffee shop with her kids…waiting. Which…you know…is directly contrary to what I’d asked her to do and what she’d told me she was going to do and is a fine, fine example of her complete lack of personal integrity. Or maybe I should say “another” fine, fine example of her complete lack of personal integrity. It's certainly why I can never trust her, and another reason why my children’s therapist has advised them never to trust her.

She wanted to see the kids. Period. And she went around me by deceiving me to do so. Despite the fact that it was neither what I wanted, nor what the kids wanted, clearly, no one else’s opinions or feelings matter here. And, well, she pushed the right button. She was "doing something for the kids", and she knew I'd put my own reservations aside to make my children happy.

To ice that particular cake, guess what, she went back on her word about reading my blog, too. Shocker. I guess, though, that only really counts if I believed her in the first place.

So, I've blocked her email address...again...and I'm hoping, one more time, that I'm through with this crap. Bring on the NEXT "current girlfriend". Please. Preferably one that has some personal integrity this time.

The Truth Will Set You Free

2007-08-01T17:18:00.000-04:00

Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.
Albert Einstein

If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.
Virginia Woolfe

As an adult, you must rediscover the moving power of your life. Tension, a lack of honesty and a sense of unreality, come from following the wrong force in your life.
Joseph Campbell

Truth is the highest thing that man may keep.
Geoffrey Chaucer "Canterbury Tales. The Frankeleines Tale"

To know what is right and not to do it is the worst cowardice.
Confucious

I grew convinced that truth, sincerity and integrity in dealings between man and man were of the utmost importance to the felicity of life; and I formed written resolutions, which still remain in my journal book, to practice them ever while I lived.
Franklin, Benjamin, his Autobiography

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Shakespeare, Hamlet

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

The quality of insight is determined by the degree of our ultimate integrity. Sound vision is the reward of maturity, and maturity is intellectual, emotional, spiritual integrity.
Guggenheimer, Creative Vision, 1950

My strength is as the strength of of ten,
Because my heart is pure.
Alfred, Lord Tennyson

The spirit of truth and the spirit of freedom--they are the pillars of society.
Henrik Ibsen

Peace if possible, but truth at any rate.
Martin Luther

Man has no nobler function than to defend the truth.
Ruth McKenney

It is necessary to the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consist in believing, or in disbelieving, it consists in professing to believe what one does not believe.
Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason

Those who think it is permissible to tell white lies soon grow color-blind.
Austin O'Malley

With lies you may get ahead in the world - but you can never go back.
Russian proverb

Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom.
Thomas Jefferson

He who does not bellow the truth when he knows the truth makes himself the accomplice of liars and forgers.
Charles Peguy

Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth.
Franklin D. Roosevelt, radio address, October 26, 1939

The truth is always the strongest argument.
Sophocles

The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls.
Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.
Henry David Thoreau

There is not greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness and truth.
Leo Tolstoy "War and Peace"

Let us then be what we are, and speak what we think, and in all things keep ourselves loyal to truth.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul.
Carl Jung

Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.
Sigmund Freud

Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable.
Be honest and transparent anyway.
Mother Teresa

------------------------

Do you smell that? It's the pungent aroma of smoking britches.

Got a few things I want to spout off about. (Imagine that, huh?) Just thinking that I'd rather not waste prime real estate giving attention to some who like to piss me off just to see their "names" in print. (Though I'm holding out the option to update that policy at a later date should I feel it's necessary.)

Sooooo, grab your sphygmomanometer and meet me at the secret clubhouse. You know the address...

Just Another Day At The Park

2007-07-26T19:54:00.000-04:00

I took a vacation day from work today. I haven't used many of them this year. A few around the time of the wedding has been it, really. We can't afford to take the kids on a "real" vacation this year. And that's okay. We took them to Florida last fall and to New York in July the year before. This year, we're doing a "local" vacation. Hitting a few of the things that River City has to offer.

Today, we spent some time at our local theme park. I lucked into half-priced tix and we vowed not to get souvenirs, food, or play games. We held pretty well to that. The park also has a pretty nice water park (full of slides, etc.), but we weren't sure the weather was going to cooperate.

But, hooray, it did!!

Here, because I need to get off of here and throw together a late dinner, are the highlights and lowlights.

* The water park was LOADS of fun, with a wave pool and a feature that I overheard another kid call "Lazy River" (which was totally not the name, but describes it so much better than the actual name) that had all of us floating around a little "river" in inner tubes. I didn't chance the water slides, but there were plenty of those, as well.

* The big lowlight was my cellphone got lost. We retraced our steps pretty well, but weren't able to find it. I've filed with the park's lost and found, but I'm not holding out much hope.

* After a pretty dark and gloomy start to the day, the weather broke and the day really was pretty nice.

* [Kid 3] and I riding the (kiddie) rollercoaster together was pretty nice. Coasters, btw, are really not my thing, but she wanted to go and I was happy to be there for her. The bumper cars were pretty fun, too.

All in all it was a fun experience and not terribly expensive little mini-vaca. We've got a few more of these little excursions planned over the next few weeks. With school starting in a couple weeks...that's right, I said a COUPLE...it's fleeting before us and I want to hold onto a little more time, if I can.

Hope you guys are enjoying what's left of your summer! Don't let it slip away!!

Hmmm, Hmmm, Hmmm...Hmmm, Hmmm, Hmmm

2007-07-25T09:34:00.000-04:00

Too many movie trailers.

Too many commercials.

Weakening.

Unable to break free of it's grip.

I CAN NOT get this song out of my head. It's been there for days. And now, consequently, everyone at my house is infected.

Worse, apparently, it's not just at my house, either...

Please alert the CDC.

Quickly.

Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' (Wo)Man...

2007-07-24T15:42:00.000-04:00

Okay, see, I was soooo out of practice that you'll have to excuse the errors on yesterday's post. Have to. In the meantime, I've got a little something else on my mind. And, well, you guys know how that stuff goes. I come here. I vent. I pay the consequences. I move on.

It mostly works for me. So let's roll with it. 'K?

I mentioned, a couple weeks ago,about my kids needing some repair work. My ex simply wasn't doing a thing to either get his kids' teeth fixed, or repay me the money he owed me (which would allow me to get this stuff done). It's been more than a little stressful for me and, because he's the man I love for a reason, Bunnyman opted to do what he could to help the children he so loves (and simultaneously reduce my stress). This while he's been struggling with some issues of his own.

He's a gem, I tell you!

My children watched as their stepfather sold off various of his own treasures and quickly pulled together the money we need to begin this process. Knowing, all the while, that he was doing something so selfless FOR THEM. Knowing that it was something their own father wasn't stepping up to do. Knowing that they were that important to Bunnyman. That loved. It's been hard for me to watch this process. Hard for me to allow him to do it.

I know he's limited in what he can do to help, and that he deeply, deeply wants (maybe needs) to. So I've tried (and it hasn't always been terribly successful) to hold my tongue as he's pulled prized possessions from his collections to convert to funds for the orthodontist. I get angry that their own father is only too happy to let this man, for whom he has such contempt, continue to step up and do his job for him. This man who has been such a positive factor in his childrens' lives and for whom he fervently refuses to show any appreciation whatsoever.

The emotions are pretty overwhelming. I'm so happy that my daughter (one of two anyway...I'll elaborate more later) will be able to get the help she needs. I feel so very grateful to Bunnyman, and so incredibly lucky to have chosen a man to share my life who clearly loves these children so much. Sorrow and disappointment that my children have to look at their father and know that he had ways to help with this and chose not to...putting them second to his own personal agenda. Of course, I know EXACTLY how they feel. I've been where they are many, many times before.

Add onto all of that some anonymous commenter who felt it was more important to point out my husband's shortcomings (in response to my previous post), than it was to applaud him for doing everything within his power to help the children of a man who would not. Talk about not getting it.

I try to keep focused on the positive. Not easy by a long shot. And CERTAINLY I'm human...with all the faults that go with that. But [Kid 2] will be getting braces before school starts and the damage will begin to be reversed. And that is a MOST precious gift.

I've advised her father, who was (initially) very pleased that the money had been collected and his daughter was getting the help she needs. (I'd opted not to flaunt in his face where it had come from.) When I reminded him that he would need to reimburse his portion of this medical expense at the end of the next quarter (something I did out of consideration for him), he began blustering. I was trying to be up front with him and give him more than two months to make whatever arrangements he needed to make.

But, what I got was the standard. There was no way he could do that. As usual, it was okay for me to figure out how to make it work for the kids. As long as it was in a manner that did not impact his lifestyle.

For a couple weeks now, he's been avoiding the conversation of whether I can count on him paying what will amount to about $850 back to me on time. With school starting (and the accompanying fees, clothing, supplies, etc.), it would be helpful for me...budgetwise...to know whether I can count on this money. But his latest advises that I "shouldn't take anything to the bank".

Mostly, this latest is because he's mad at me. Once again, for something I did not do. In an effort to significantly reduce legal costs (something that has been an unfortunately big part of our finances over the last couple years), I filed directly with the Child Support Division and they provide legal counsel at no cost.

As opposed to $200/hr., it's a figure I could live with. I went in and discussed the specifics of my situation and gave them copies of my income information, my ex's, and a spreadsheet I'd prepared some time ago that outlines the arrearages and payments towards same. My ex has been making some effort to repay these (though he'd led me to believe they'd be paid off this past spring and then reneged), which I pointed out to them while I was there. However, his current balance is right at $1,900. Money my kids could certainly use.

In any event, he left last Friday for a week's vacation in Florida with one of his casual female friends and her children. He twice mentioned to me that he was only able to go on this vacation because said friend was covering 100% of the expenses. It doesn't matter to me. It's not like he'd be paying me the money he owes me instead of taking a vacation anyway. Ironically, he took unpaid leave a few weeks ago, to spend some time here locally with our girls. And then notified me that my child support payment would be short because of it.

My brain didn't quite process that, but here's the skinny. Rather than use his paid vacation time to spend with his children, he's spending that time elsewhere with others and then working less and reducing the support they receive, so that he can spend time with them. Better, he thinks that's good for them. Frustrating, to say the least.

Apparently, the day before he left, he got a letter from the Child Support Division advising him that they plan to intercept any potential tax refunds (state or federal), lottery winnings, etc. to pay off arrearages to his children. To say he is furious is putting it mildly. He came to my house before he left, has sent me numerous derogatory emails and has ranted to me on the phone several times.

Here's the thing. I had no idea that the CSD was going to do this. I never asked them to do it on my (or the kids' behalf). They never told me they planned to. After catching so much flack from my ex, I called them...not necessarily to stop it (like I have any control over the government anyway)...but to try to find out what was going on. They advised me it was their standard procedure and that it was their job to keep focused on the "best interest of the children involved".

See, those words are key.

Best. Interest. Of. The. Children. Involved.

It is often difficult in divorces to remember those words. You have so many of life's stressors beating you up and you forget that children need things 24/7/52. Not just when they're with you.

The CSD doesn't have the same emotional or financial distractions. They do not know (or care about) you on a personal level. They are working at trying to take the best care possible of the children in the middle. And if that means that the grown-ups have to make some lifestyle changes to accommodate the children...well...so be it.

Meanwhile, my ex has vowed (and then changed it back and forth a couple times over various email and phone conversations...so who knows what he plans to do) not to give me any more money towards arrearages (or the medical) until "this gets straightened out". Consequently, it's really, really hard to budget. But I feel confident that if we don't get the money now, we'll get it at some point in the foreseeable future. It's just...you know...that it gets a little tricky to feed them until then...

In one of the last emails I got from him (before I finally got to the "discussing it with him was getting us nowhere" point), he mentioned that he had been trying to get the funds together to address the medical reimbursement by ebaying some of his collectible items. I was surprised. But I guess he simply didn't have any other options, and realized that he's legally obligated to repay this money that's being used for the welfare of his children.

Again, though, the main thing is that [Kid 2] is going to get the treatment she needs. The rest will work itself out somehow. [Kid 3]'s periodontal work, which I'd hoped to get done before school starts will have to wait. It's another $500-$600 and there's simply not another drop of blood to be rendered from this here turnip. Especially, with the handicap of not being able to budget at all. While I'd rather she could get this beyond her more quickly, I suppose she'll have to wait until her father decides whether or not he's going to support them. I just hope problems there don't escalate while we're dealing with the rest of life's little realities. It could turn into a much more expensive, much more difficult surgery for her if we're not careful.

Lastly, I just wanted to note that D and I have been working on locating apartments and jobs for dear friend, Nate, as he will be arriving here in River City (to STAY!) in a few short weeks. We'll be having some kind of Welcome Celebration (likely the weekend of August 18th, but I need to check with Nate and formalize a few things here locally), so please keep your calendars open-ish.

Taking What They're Giving, 'Cause I'm Working For a Living

2007-07-23T17:11:00.000-04:00

Miss me? Quit lying. You know you did.

I've got about a million blog posts in my noggin right now, but no time to get them all out. At least not in any kind of entertaining textual kinda way. (If you're interested in the volatile blathering of a b-i-t-c-h, call me.)

Today, though, to try to ease the old gal back into the swing, here...I'm gonna roll like this.

One of the guys in my office sent me an email forward this morning. It was called "Demotivational Posters" and had many, many humorous photographs. My intention was to include one here as I had planned to ramble a bit about work and I thought it would be a nice fit. Unfortunately, like Lay's Potato Chips, one was not enough. And I spent FAR too much time trying to decide which one to include. Until I said, "Feh" and decided to send six. You people will just have to deal.

Worth More Dead Than Alive

2007-07-07T12:33:00.001-04:00

How many old movies have you seen (It's a Wonderful Life, included), where a character is reminded that, due to life insurance, etc., they are worth more dead than alive?

Yeah, that has nothing to do with this post, but I'm reminded of it nonetheless. Ah, the randomness that is "me"...

Ran across this little link and (because I've been known to have a bit of a morbid side) decided to take the quiz.

$5125.00

If you decide to do so, as well, let me know how it turns out. Or, if you are still gape-mouthed at the thought of it, well, you can let me know that, too. Or not.